Artemis Fowl 4: I Will Never Use a Real Title
by TeenTypist
Summary: It's an Artemis romance yes, a challenge I know, but it's not all sappy. It starts a few months after my last one left off, RR! My fourth AF fic. No EC or OD spoilers. Complete.
1. Summer Sabbatical

DISCLAIMER-Yeah, somebody finally got around to telling me I need one of these. Do I need one for every chapter, or is one in my profile enough? It's obvious I'm not Eoin Colfer and I don't own any of these characters, because if I DID then I would have gotten Holly and Trouble together several books ago. *grin* On with the reading, if you dare!  
  
DEDICATED TO EVERYBODY WHO READ MY LAST 3 ARTEMIS FICS. (Especially Radioactive Bubblegum, Kelsey, & Slime Frog who have been reviewing since the beginning and are the only reason I wrote the last three books of this quartet) Thanks, everybody!  
  
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Artemis stood in front of the gates of the school with his bags, waiting for Butler. The bodyguard pulled up in the expensive car, looking rather cheerful. Artemis had to admit that it would be good to be home again for the summer and it was good to see Butler, but he was not in the mood for cheer of any sort.  
Artemis sighed inwardly and got into the Bentley.  
Butler immediately sensed trouble, but what could possibly trouble Artemis? He knew he wasn't making a mistake; something was not right. He had to fix it.  
"Sir, are there any problems?"  
"None, Butler," he said, his reply prompt and airy.  
They rode in silence for a few minutes. Butler knew something was still wrong. By now, Artemis would usually have been complaining about the food at the school, or his classmates, or the tight security, or even swim team. Something was decidedly wrong.  
"Are you sure, Artemis? You know you can talk to me, don't you?"  
He sighed. "Yes, Butler. Yes, I know."  
Butler knew Artemis would say nothing about what was bothering him until he was ready to say it. His attempt to help would have to be postponed until the boy was ready. He changed subjects. "How was your field trip last week?"  
"Not bad. The art gallery was quite pleasant. I enjoyed listening to the idiot teachers point out what techniques and markings in particular paintings showed the expertise of that particular artist, especially when they were talking about my work."  
Ah, Artemis Jr. was an expert on forgeries and had painted at least a few of the pictures that hung in that gallery.  
"One student however, did seem to realize something was amiss with one of the paintings. Very observant. Very cultured. I was surprised."  
"Was it a friend of yours?"  
He hesitated, "I suppose, you could say, a new friend."  
"Really? Did you invite your new friend to spend any time at the Manor now that the summer holidays have started?"  
"No."  
"What was his name?"  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
Something was definitely odd here. But as they pulled into the drive of Fowl Manor, Butler knew that Artemis didn't want to talk anymore. About anything. Butler had touched a nerve somewhere along their brief conversation and he had to wait for the boy to recover and come to him.  
Artemis didn't wait around while Butler got his bags out of the trunk. He just walked inside as quickly as he could without appearing rushed. He stumbled on the step, realizing that he left something very important in one of the bags Butler was carrying.  
But it was too late. He knew Butler wouldn't go through his things. He would only arouse suspicion if he went back and took the bag now. He took a calming breath and proceeded to make his way into the house.  
"Arty!" His mother's slender arms enveloped him in a hug. "It's so good to see you!"  
"Hello, Mother."  
"Did you have a good term? Your father and I missed you so much. I haven't seen you since the spring holidays."  
"Yes. The term was fine."  
"Are you all right, sweetie? You don't sound like yourself."  
"I'm fine, Mother. Just tired. Where's Father?"  
"He got called away on an unexpected business trip. He really wanted to be here when you got home."  
What a great time for my father to go away, he thought sarcastically. "I'm feeling a little tired. I think I shall retire to my room to take a nap."  
"I'll have Juliet call you down when dinner is ready."  
Artemis disappeared, ghost-like up the stairs.  
"Butler," said Angeline, "You know Artemis at least as well as I do and much better than most people. Do you think there's something . . . odd going on with him?"  
"I think there might be. But it's nothing to worry about. I don't believe it's serious. When he's ready, he'll talk. Excuse me." He took the bags upstairs.  
  
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Okay, there's the first chapter! I'm sorry it's kind of short, but this is Artemis we're talking about and as far as feelings go, there isn't much to work with. I'll post the next chapter soon. Please review! 


	2. Diagnoses

DISCLAIMER—Yeah, somebody finally got around to telling me I need one of these. Do I need one for every chapter, or is one in my profile enough? It's obvious I'm not Eoin Colfer and I don't own any of these characters, because if I DID then I would have gotten Holly and Trouble together several books ago. *grin* On with the reading, if you dare!

DEDICATED TO EVERYBODY WHO READ MY LAST 3 ARTEMIS FICS. (Especially Radioactive Bubblegum, Kelsey, & Slime Frog who have been reviewing since the beginning and are the only reason I wrote the last three books of this quartet) Thanks, everybody!

Next Chapter Will Be Posted Later Tonight

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            Butler got to Artemis's door and hesitated. The door was partway open. He peeked in and saw Artemis lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He looked somewhat depressed.

            Butler knocked on the door and saw Artemis sit up and look alert. "Come in."

            "Your bags, sir." Butler put them down and walked away without another word, knowing that if Artemis was ready to talk, he would stop him.

            Artemis didn't stop him.

            As soon as Butler had disappeared, Artemis went to the bag that contained his notebooks. Most of the notebooks were filled with plots and schemes and business ideas. Some of it was even legitimate. But one notebook had nothing to do with any of these things.

            It was his diary.

            Recently started (about a week ago), he could be seriously blackmailed if anyone found it. And there wasn't even any mention of fairies. Although, he had been wondering about how Captain Short and Lt. Col. Kelp were getting along. The newlyweds. Though he supposed Holly had taken Trouble's name. He wondered idly if her badge still read Holly Short, or if it had been changed to Holly Kelp. She seemed the sort who might keep her maiden name.

            He was only trying to distract himself. Unsuccessfully distract himself, he might add.

            He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny square of paper he had repeatedly folded and unfolded many times the past week. He knew the words on the paper by heart, but read them anyway. "AIM: Ruler_of_the_Universe. E-mail: TeenTypist@yahoo.com. Keep in touch."

            As he reread the words, an image of a pale face and auburn hair filled his mind's eye. He got up and went to the computer. Work would keep his mind of this.

            He started typing out each of his notebooks on to the computer and saving them under innocent file names. It took all his willpower not to sign online until they were done. All but his diary. He hesitated on that one. After all, shouldn't he burn the blasted thing and be done with it?

            He spoke softly to himself. "No control over you. You were not so desperate to communicate that you forsook your work for idle chatter."

            Butler was just coming upstairs to tell Artemis that his dinner was ready. Butler heard the words and had a hunch of what Artemis's problem might be. But it wasn't his place to bring it up. Wait until Artemis chose to. He made sure his face was completely straight and there was no hint of a smile before he opened the door, "Artemis? Your dinner is waiting."

            "Thank you, Butler," he said crisply, closing the program boxes. He followed his bodyguard downstairs.

            Dinner that night was a tense affair.

            "Arty, I'm so glad you're back. Won't this summer be fun?"

            "Yes, Mother."

            "Do you want any of your friends to come visit? You must be lonely out here with no one your own age. Only an old woman like me around."           

            He dodged the question deft ease. "You're not old, Mother."

            "Oh, thank you, Arty. But really, wouldn't you at least like one of your friends to come on of our trips with us this summer? You'll have so much more fun with someone your own age."

            He made no reply.

            "You've been getting along with the other boys, haven't you?" she continued, twirling her fingers nervously.

            "Yes, Mother. I've been getting along with the other boys as well as can be expected." He ate his lima beans. He couldn't stand any of them, but that _was_ as well as could be expected.

            "If you're sure . . ."

            "Yes, Mother. I'm sure." He smiled. This did not reassure Angeline Fowl. "If you'll excuse me?" He stood and departed.

            "Butler? Juliet?" asked Angeline. "Do you really think he's all right?"

            "I'm sure he'll be fine," said Juliet, patting Mrs. Fowl reassuringly.

            Butler said, "Just normal teenage boy stuff, he'll grow out of it. Everyone gets a little moody sometimes."

            When Angeline had departed to go look after things that needed to be done, Butler told Juliet his suspicions and found that hers were the same. If only they could get Artemis to admit it so they would be certain. Fat chance of that. That boy was as cold as granite.


	3. A Peek at the Newlyweds

Disclaimer: I'm not Eoin Colfer and I don't own any of these characters, because if I DID then I would have gotten Holly and Trouble together several books ago. *grin* If you haven't been frightened off by me yet, you're brave. Brave enough to read the next chapter. So here it is. *evil laughter* Trouble/Holly as a young married couple.

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            Holly looked around, trying to find her socks. She was going to be late for work. Half her clothes were missing. After not finding her socks anywhere on the floor, she opened her wardrobe and started throwing things out of it and onto the floor. Finally she found her socks.

            "Trouble!"

            "What, Holls?" he yawned sleepily from the bed, stretching his arms.

            "I'm going to be late for work. Why do you have to keep hiding my things?"

            "Huh? I haven't hidden anything. I'm not even really awake yet."

            "My socks! Do you know how long I was looking for these?" She brandished them under his nose.

            "Springtime fresh," he said. "I didn't _hide_ them, I put them away. In the closet. Where they are supposed to live."

            "Well, where's my jacket?" she called from the kitchen, having walked out without listening to him. "It's not on the floor by the door where I left it!"

            "It's in your wardrobe, hanging up on a nice hanger," he said. Trouble was not a very neat elf, heck, he wouldn't have passed for a neat human; but Holly was an absolute pig.

            "You've completely ruining my organizing system," she grumbled. She looked through the closet for the jacket and couldn't find it. "Now it's missing too!" She spun around wildly, looking for her favorite jacket. Her eyes caught sight of Trouble, still lying on the bed. Handsome. Muscular. Adorable. Lazy. Hot. Gorgeous. Muscular. D'Arvit, the man was sexy. She snapped at him, "Quit distracting me."

            "What?"

            "Just, oh!" She threw her hands in the air helplessly and shook her head. "Put your shirt on."

            He shrugged and did as she asked while she managed to find her jacket (fortunately for her, the shirt he picked up and put on covered his muscular arms arms). When she had started throwing things out of the wardrobe on her quest to find the missing socks, she'd thrown the jacket off the hanger and behind the bed.

            "Holly, you remember that talk we were having last night?"

            "Uh-huh." She wasn't in the mood for a serious talk. Where did she leave her boots? Oh, here was one. "Where're my badge and my name tag?"

            "On top of the phone. Right where you left them. Well? Have you give anymore thought to it yet?"

            She paused in her mad dash for the boot's soul mate. "Trouble, I don't think I'm ready to. I don't want a child yet. I like work. I like my job. I want to stay at the LEP. If we have a kid, everything changes. I mean, look, we'll even have to move out of here. There's no space for a baby. Besides, we've only been married a few months. I think it'd be better to spend a while longer getting to know each other first." She snatched the pin off the desk that read "Captain Holly Short-Kelp" and came to sit down next to him on the bed.

            He pinned her nametag on for her and put an arm around her. He touched her cheek with his other hand. "I know, Holls. I know." He sighed and shifted against the pillows. "Ow, what's stabbing me?" He moved the pillows. "I found your missing boot. I think it bruised me."

            "Thanks, Trubs." She kissed him while he tried to put her boot on for her. She brushed her auburn hair out of her eyes with her fingers. The auburn hair went well with her chestnut skin. She really needed a haircut though. It hung down all around the top down to her eyes like a bowl. Some of it in the back nearly touched her shoulder. She'd have to get it cut after work. Trouble liked it long like this, but she said she was not going to put up with it. She wanted her crew cut but she just hadn't had time to make an appointment or keep an appointment she made since before they got married. She was working an early shift today and left after a Protein Bar and another kiss goodbye to her husband. Shouting over her shoulder not to clean up anything while she was gone.

            Trouble knew she was right. About the child thing, not about the cleaning thing. It was too early in their marriage to talk about kids. Really. He was just missing his little brother. That's all. Maybe he ought to pay the bumbling idiot a visit. But Grub was still mad about having to share being best man with Foaly. Besides, in a way, he was kind of relieved. Holly was not the most motherly of people. Heck, Root was probably more maternal, and that was certainly saying something.****


	4. A Chat

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl (we've already discussed this and if I have to say it again I will be very sad, depressed enough not to update…). I do not own AOL or AIM. I do not own Yahoo. Any email/AIM references that actually coincide with real AIM/email are purely coincidental (except in the case where I used my own email address TeenTypist@yahoo.com).

I have decided that this will not be a little 5-chapter ficlet. This will be a full-grown fic! I'll try to update soon but my finals start in 1 week! Eek. So that explains any lack of update.

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            Artemis had done everything he could think to do. Now that all his work was out of the way, he could play. It was the only way he could prove to himself he wasn't desperate. 

            Finally he signed online. He downloaded AOL instant messenger. AIM. He had to have some way to talk after all. After it had downloaded, he chose a name. RavenhairedElf. He thought it was quaint. He added Ruler_of_the_Universe to his newly formed Buddy List and waited. And waited. It was a good two hours before the name appeared on the screen and in the whole two hours, Artemis did not move once.

            Butler had checked on him several times, peering through the crack under the door. The boy didn't move.

            Now that the named had appeared, he hesitated. Then he thought, Who cares? I'll talk. It won't kill me. Probably.

            "It's me," he typed in.

            "Artemis?" she typed back.

            "Yes. How are you, Alyssa?"

            "Not bad. You?"      

            "I'm fine, thank you."

            "Stop being so stiff!" she typed back.            

            "Stiff?" He could see her face in his mind's eye and picture her laughing at him. He didn't like it.

            "You don't need to be this mannerly."

            "Funny. Normally people tell me my manners are atrocious."

            "LOL."

            "Lol?"

            "L. O. L. laughing out loud. Even you've got to know that one, Artemis."

            "No, I'm not familiar with it."

            "Hey, you never told me your last name when we met at the museum."

            "You never told me yours."

            "If I told you mine, would you tell me yours?"

            He hesitated, "Not yet."

            They changed topics and Artemis found himself to be much more at ease than he'd honestly thought he'd be. They discussed politics, music, and the museum. Finally she typed, "I have to go."

            "Will you be online later?"

            "No. It's my brother's turn to use the computer."

            "Oh." He bit his lip. "Wait! Just a moment." Come on, brain, he thought. Have you started hating me? WORK! "Can you give me a call later?"

            "Sure. If you give me your number."

            "Not yet." He didn't trust her that much. "I'll give you one digit every time we talk."

            "I get three for our talking at the museum and one for talking today."

            "Deal. 555-3###."

            "What about area code? That shouldn't count as part of the number."

            He typed in the area code.

            "Thanks. Call me later?"

            "You didn't give me your number."

            "555-2287."

            "Area code?"

            "Take your area code, dived the third number by a factor of three and double the first two numbers. I'll track you down yet."

            "Don't count on it. I'm more slippery than you'd imagine."

            "I heard someone mention an Interpol file. You can't be that slippery or there'd be no info. I'll be hacking into the system bright and early tomorrow."       

            "You're sure enough in your skills that you can boast before you've even started?"

            "Yes. You have a problem with that?"

            "No." He smiled.

            "Send me a picture of you and I'll send you one of me."

            "Goodbye, Alyssa."

            "Goodbye, Artemis." He left the computer and Internet on in case she came back. He sighed and looked at the clock. They'd been talking for some time. He showered and changed into his monogrammed silk pajamas to go to sleep.

            He dreamed of talking to her again and seeing her.

            When he woke at 5 the next morning, he checked his mail immediately. Even though he'd only just downloaded instant messenger the day before, he'd had Internet service for quite some time. He'd given her one of his many email addresses the day they were at the museum. He checked the mail for one of his Yahoo accounts. Menace_of_the_Manor@yahoo.com.

            There was e-mail from TeenTypist@yahoo.com

_To my dear Artemis Fowl,_

_           You're not as slippery as you'd like to think. You live in the famous Fowl Manor. You are Artemis Fowl the Second. You are a criminal mastermind with the highest tested IQ in Europe. You seem to have a fetish for gold. You father appears to be attempting to go legitimate. There have been strange reports of you being sighted all over the world in a single day. You have one of the equally famous, or maybe infamous, Butler bodyguards that have guarded the Fowls for generations. I am approximately halfway through your biography and I am beginning to doubt the existence of Doctor [insert phony name Artemis used to write about himself]. Psychology reports I have been able to dig up indicate that you have a severe lack of respect for anyone who must still rely on breathing (something I've noticed in my own observations of you as well). Did I leave anything out?_

_Yours truly,_

_Alyssa Stone_

            She had nailed him. Dead center. Artemis realized he now knew what it was like to be totally laid bare in a single glance (something he had often done to others but no psychologist had ever been able to do to him). It was unnerving to say the last. And that salutation "To my dear Artemis Fowl" he could see her sneer as she typed the words. She'd used his last name to reveal that she knew just who he was, and the "my dear" was probably sarcastic.

            He started a reply.

_Dearest Alyssa,_

_ I commend your efforts. You are more observant than you appear, but with a face like yours, it would be almost impossible not to be. I am pleased to inform you that you left out several things, things that you will not be able to discover through a web search, no matter how extensive. You obviously failed to discover my favorite novel, Butler's favorite weapon, and the names of all the psychologists I've driven out of St. Bartleby's. And you didn't mention a thing about the fairies. The next digit is 6._

_Until we meet again,_

_Artemis the Second_

Hmmm. He certainly liked the line about her face. He smirked. The salutation and closing had both been difficult to decide on, but he felt they were acceptable. He pressed send and got on with his day.

            Artemis checked his mail again and found a reply soon after lunch.

_Junior,_

_ Fairies? Can I take this to mean that you, the infamous, Artemis Fowl II, still retain a childlike interest in such fancies? I'm rather disappointed; it doesn't sound at all like you. I sincerely hope you don't believe in such nonsense. You're less acquainted with sanity than I'd thought. Butler's weapon of choice is the Sig Sauer._

_Obviously superior to you,_

_Alyssa_

            Artemis smirked. She couldn't find out his favorite book. He was certain that she must have raked through his biography. Junior? That was uncalled for.

            He was just about to start a reply when she logged on.

            He instant messaged her, "Greetings."

            "Hello, Junior."

            "Please refrain from calling me that."

            "I don't think I want to. What's your obsession with fairies? Is leprechaun wealth an offshoot of your gold fetish?"

            Artemis laughed; not a sinister chuckle, but a genuine laugh. He laughed loud and hard. Butler, Juliet, and Mrs. Fowl were passing by and stopped dead when they heard the laughter coming from Artemis's room. The look they gave each other said, "When was the last time we heard that from him? I'm not sure I _ever_ heard it. What's he up to?"

            Artemis continued to laugh a little more. If she only knew how right she was . . . He typed, "But of course it is."

            He waited some time for a response.

            It took nearly a minute for her to decide to write, "Yes, I'm sure that's it. Monday through Friday you spend your nights toppling major corporations and on the weekends you run around chasing rainbows for the fun of it."

            They exchanged banter for a while; until she said she had to leave again.

            "What's the next number?"

            "9."

            "I'll talk to you soon. Will you be online later?"

            "If I'm not too busy." He didn't want her to think he had no life.

            "Good. I'll take that as a yes." She logged off and didn't come back all night.****


	5. Junior

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl (we've already discussed this and if I have to say it again I will be very sad, depressed enough not to update…)

Okay, responding to a review. He didn't slip about the fairies. He was making a joke. *shock* Yeah, I know, very un-Artemis. He threw in the fairies to confuse her because he knew she'd never be able to come up with anything.

Okay, I said this would be my last story (don't worry, this isn't the end of it). But the thing is, after this story is over, it's still got at least another five chapters or so, I think, I'm out of ideas. If anybody wants to give me an idea to use, I'll be glad to write more. Preferrably following the same story these last 4 have followed, or at least one that is pre-EC. Email me ideas. J

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            Artemis woke to a familiar sound; his cell phone was ringing. He groped in the dark and picked it up. He blinked as he looked at the clock. It was three in the morning. Furthermore, only Butler had this number and Butler was asleep in another room. He attempted to sound awake as he spoke, "Hello."

            "G'morning, Junior!" said a cheery voice.

            "What do you want?"

            "Aren't you just a little ray of sunshine?"

            "It's three in the morning. You'd better be on your deathbed."

            " 'Fraid not."

            "How'd you get this number?"

            "You gave it to me."

            "What?" _That's right_, he thought.This was the number he'd _started_ to give her. If he'd given her one of the house lines his mother might have answered it. He shuddered. But he hadn't finished giving her this number. What had she done, called the number he'd given her and then just tried everything for the last digit until she found it?

            "This is the number you gave me. The first six digits anyway. I decided I'd try my luck for the seventh."

            "How many people have you called at 3 in the morning today?"

            "Just you," her voice still very cheerful.

            "You got it right on first try, lucky me," he said dryly.

            "No. I made all of my other tries earlier. Then I got down to one number left, 5. I decided that since I knew it was you, I'd leave it for later as a bigger surprise."

            "How thoughtful. Anything else or can I go back to sleep?"

            "Yes. Although I suppose you really need your beauty sleep. I was wondering if you knew the square root of 17,938?"

            He thought for a moment. "Roughly 133.9."

            "What is the periodic symbol for mercury?"

            "Hg."

            "What was Machiavelli's chief work?"

            "_The Prince_."

            Artemis answered her questions until he became irritated and hung up. She called back and started again. He shut off his phone and tried to go back to sleep.

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            He woke up rather later than expected and went downstairs for breakfast. "Sorry, Mother, I was very tired last night. I must have forgotten to set my alarm."

            "That's alright, dear. What have you been up to, Arty? We heard you laughing yesterday."

            "Oh. Laughing . . ." He remembered what had caused him to laugh. He couldn't explain it to his mother, she didn't know about the fairies. "A friend from school emailed me. Sent an excellent joke and I was reading it."        

            "Really? What was the joke?"

            Artemis paled slightly. He didn't know any jokes. "I really can't remember at the moment. I shall look it up later, if you'd like. It wouldn't take more than a few moments. I'd just have to reboot the computer, there was an error, and reinstall—"

            "Never mind, Arty," his mother said hastily.

            He almost smiled; his techno-babble had done its job. She had almost no idea what he meant, but she knew it _sounded_ complicated. He shrugged, "That's fine."

            Artemis wondered where Alyssa was. What was she eating right now? He knew nothing about her. He doubted there would be many files on her that he could hack into online. Why did she have to be such a mystery? He hated not knowing things. He'd likely never see her again. It was a shame really; she was fairly intelligent. And funny. And pretty. And really very nice. But she knew how to hold her own in a battle of wits, which was probably the most important thing for anyone who was going to associate with Artemis.

            "Arty? Arty?" his mother tapped his arm and he came out of his reverie. "I've been trying to get your attention for almost ten minutes. Are you alright?"

            "Oh, yes mother. I'm fine. Just thinking of my fun filled summer."

            "You have plans?"

            "Oh, just a few things I'd like to get done. I'd like to go back to the museum; our class didn't spend enough time there. And there's a show playing in Dublin that looks simply fascinating," he bluffed.

            "Oh." She hesitated and smiled. "That's wonderful! Are you going to invite any of your friends along?" she asked eagerly.

            "Probably not. It's not really their sort of interest." He didn't really like lying to his mother, but he wasn't very well about to tell her the truth now.

            "Oh. Okay then. But you let me know if you change your mind."

            "Of course, Mother. If you'll excuse me? I'm feeling a bit restless. I think I'll take a walk outside."

            "Wear a hat or you might get burnt. It _is_ summer, even if it doesn't look like it." She looked out the window at the dark, cloudy sky.

            "Yes, Mother." He took a hat out of the closet, put it on to appease his mother, went outside, and took it off.

            He wandered about the grounds a little aimlessly. He was behaving most peculiarly and he knew it would only be a matter of time before the others noticed, if they hadn't noticed already. He'd laughed yesterday, he was lost in his thoughts during breakfast, and now he was out for a walk in the fresh air. This girl was not good for him. He knew all those things were his fault. He sighed. What was he supposed to do? He tried not thinking of her, but that made things worse.

            He was aware that Butler was following him at a distance. He wondered, perhaps he could write to that elf, Kelp. Trouble seemed to understand women. After all, he was either very stupid or very smart to marry Holly. Artemis still hadn't decided which. Holly was . . . interesting. He partly pitied Trouble. But Trouble must have done something right because Holly had a lot of good qualities too. After being separated so much from his beloved laptop, Artemis had grown accustomed to keeping at least one notebook in his pocket. He sat down and started writing a letter in Gnomish. That ought to get attention and hopefully it would end in the right hands.

_My esteemed Lieutenant Colonel Trouble Kelp,_

_I am writing to you for advice. This is a little awkward but I think you're the right person I should be talking to. I need advice on women. One in particular, a recent friend I met at an art museum. I can't get her out of my thoughts and she greatly distracts me. I would appreciate a meeting. If you can come, the full moon is in one week's time (as you undoubtedly already know) and I believe that would likely be the best time for us to meet and discuss the matter, otherwise I shall check for a reply letter in a week's time._

_Yours sincerely (and I hope confidentially),_

Artemis Fowl the Second 

He straightened. "Butler?" he said softly, knowing the faithful bodyguard was nearby. "Would you please drive me somewhere? I have to mail a letter."

            When they got in the car, Artemis told him where to go.

            Butler asked no questions as he drove the boy to where he knew E1 to be. They left the letter near the entrance, the letter carefully labeled and sealed. They drove home in silence until they were about twenty minutes away.

            "Artemis, I know something's bothering you. I have an idea as to what it is. Why don't you talk to me about it?"

            "I would if it were that easy, Butler," he said sincerely. But Butler knew him better than Trouble did, therefore it would be more embarrassing for Artemis. Also, Butler wasn't married and Artemis was clueless as to the last time Butler had had a girlfriend. Trouble had probably dated a fair amount and now he was married. Ergo, Trouble was the logical choice, wasn't he? Artemis began to worry that he had not made the right decision, something he didn't do often.

            "Artemis, you know you can talk to me about anything, don't you?"

            "I know, Butler. And I will, when I'm ready."

            "I understand."

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Did anybody get what 3695 can spell? *grin* Until next time . . . 


	6. Advice

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl (we've already discussed this and if I have to say it again I will be very sad, depressed enough not to update…)

Congrats to Radioactive Bubblegum who figured out what 3695 meant.

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            Artemis knocked on Butler's door, unusually shy.

            "Come in." Artemis opened the door and found Butler reading a gun magazine on his bed. "What is it, Artemis?"

            "I'm ready to talk."

            "By all means, sit."

            Artemis didn't sit. "Could we go outside? I invited a friend over to talk. If he's coming, that's where I have to meet him."

            Butler nodded. They took Artemis's telescope and some chairs too (so they would have a excuse for being there if anyone asked).

            "Butler, the truth is, I met someone when I was on that field trip with my school. A girl. I think I'm developing feelings for her. It's distracting me from my work and money-making enterprises."

            "I'd guessed as much," Butler said. So he was right. It was a girl. "You're growing up. It's normal."

            "Not for me. Normally I don't pay attention to anyone at all, but I find I can't get her out of my thoughts."

            A few moments later Artemis detected a slight haze.

            "Trouble Kelp?" he asked softly.

            "Are we visible from here?" asked the invisible (or nearly so) elf.

            "No. We're a sufficient distance from the house and the tree right behind should help block out anyone from seeing us."

            He materialized and sat in the extra chair they'd brought. "What exactly do you need my advice for?"

            "Artemis needs some advice about women," Butler said.

            Trouble looked at him and elf and man shared a look. Trouble nearly laughed. The Mud-Boy had come to him for advice on girls? Why? Oh, well. "Okay, Artemis. You like this girl, right?"

            "Yes."

            "Does she like you?"

            "I have no idea. We get along well enough. We've been talking for the past 2 weeks or so, we've known each other for three."

            Butler tried not to grin, "She was the one who made you laugh last week, wasn't she? It wasn't a joke email."

            He bit his lip, his tone icy, "Yes."

            "Do you want to go out with her?" asked Trouble.

            "I don't know, I just don't know."

            "Supposing you do, how would you ask her?"

            "I'd simply say, 'Alyssa, would you like to accompany me to . . .' well, wherever I decide to take her."

            "And you expect her to say yes just like that?"

            "What would you suggest I do differently?" asked Artemis.

            "Flatter her."

            "Stand pretty close to her."

            They started spouting off other advice. Artemis started making a list of notes.

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            Holly threw a pile of clothes in the washing machine and shut it. Trouble had been acting oddly all week. Maybe tonight was exactly what he needed. He'd told her earlier that he was going out to see some old friends. That was fine, she'd probably stay home and take a bath; it had been a long week. She was moving some things off the kitchen table when she saw a note that had obviously been hidden inside a magazine. She took a look at the note and read it.

            "D'Arvit!" she breathed. Tonight was the full moon. _Trouble_, she thought,_ I am so going to hurt you when you get home that you won't be able to sit for a week!_ She grabbed her jacket and ran out the door. So much for a peaceful night.

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            "Be sure to get in a lot of compliments."

            "I don't know any compliments." He was so used to looking down on people. When was the last time he'd even given a compliment?

            "Her hair smells nice."

            "She looks pretty."

            "You like the way she sings."

            "You like her new hair style."

            "You like her new sweater."

            "She's got beautiful eyes.

            "Remember, laugh at her jokes, whether or not she's funny. I always had to laugh at Trouble's." Holly leaned lazily against the tree. She'd gotten a special allowance from Root for tonight to come up in one of the pods on a flare. She knew it would be easier getting Root or Foaly to agree (especially after she explained the situation), than to bully her way out through the shuttle lines.

            "Holly!" said Trouble.            

            Artemis looked embarrassed. "How long have you been standing there?"

            "Long enough, Mud Boy. Trouble, what sort of stunt are you trying to pull?"

            "Huh?" her husband asked, genuinely confused.

            Holly shook her head. She turned away from him. "Listen up, Mud Boy. If you want advice on women, you don't go to a guy. You go to a girl. Most of the time, boys don't know what they're talking about. Besides, why would you bother contacting Trouble? He was pretty lost until Butler told him to just tell me the truth. Though now I see Butler has lost most of his sense of reason too. Go away. I think Artemis and I should talk alone."

            "But, Holls—" started Trouble.

            "_NOW_!" she barked.

            "Yes, Holls." He sulked.

            "Go back home. I'll deal with you later." She muttered, "Spoiling my night off like this." She sighed. "You too, big man. Out of here."

            "Captain Short, I mean Captain Kelp—"

            "_NOW_, Butler!" she barked.

            "I'll be nearby if you need me, Artemis." He doubted she'd harm Artemis. He followed in the direction Trouble had gone and Holly took his chair.

            "Okay, Artemis. You are now enrolled in Ms. Holly's class on how to talk to girls. Erase everything that Trouble and Butler might have even possibly told you. Got it?"

            "Yes." His brow wrinkled in thought. Things were not turning out well. He knew Captain Short, er, Captain Kelp much better than he knew Trouble. It would be more difficult to talk to her about this, especially because she was a girl. Maybe he ought to just call it a night. On the other hand, she possibly did know a little more than Trouble. "How did you know Trouble was here?"

            "I found your note at home when I was cleaning."

            He arched an eyebrow. "I've been inside your home, Captain. It appears as though you have never cleaned."

            "Well, maybe Trouble's a good influence on me. I can't stand it when _he_ puts things away because then I can't find anything. But that's beside the point. Be nice. You don't have to bother about showering her with compliments. It's nice to acknowledge things, like a new haircut or something, but if you say it too much, you seem really phony. Be honest. It's not going to be easy for you to talk to her no matter what. That's a given. But if you're not honest with her, you'll make things worse in the long run. First things first. The truth now, do you like this girl as more than a friend?"

            "Yes. I believe I do."

            "Okay. Do you know if she likes you back or not?"

            "I don't know. She teases me. She calls me Junior. But we seem to get along fairly well. Our personalities seem compatible."

            "What's she like?"

            "Well, she's funny. Fairly smart. Pretty, beautiful even. She reminds me a little of you."

            "How so?"

            "Quick wit, auburn hair, and the fact that she calls me names."

            Holly grinned, "Sounds like you found a winner, Arty. What's her name?"

            "Alyssa. I don't know much about her other than the fact that she has a brother. She ran a web search on me. She read my biography. Knows almost everything. But she doesn't know about the People."

            "What's so special about this girl?"

            Artemis looked at her. "She makes me laugh, Holly. Few people in my world or yours can do that."

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            "What's so special about this girl?" asked Trouble.

            "She made him laugh," Butler said solemnly.

            "The Mud B—I mean, Artemis laughed? Like a real laugh? Not his usual sinister chuckle or malicious cackle?"

            "Yeah. I heard it with my own ears. I think she sees something in him other people don't."

            "Are you going to encourage this relationship?"

            "I think I will. It'll be good for Artemis."

            "I think so too."

            Holly and Artemis walked to where Trouble and Butler were talking. "Trouble, I thought I told you to go home."

            "I was waiting for you." He tried to look sweet and innocent. And he failed.

            She laughed and shook her head. "Come on, let's go." She took his hand and called back over her shoulder, "Artemis, you remember everything I said, okay?"

            "I will, Holly. I will."

            The fairies shielded and continued to walk away.


	7. The Question

Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine. Alyssa's mine but other than Arty-poo, who needs her? I don't own _Les Miserables_ either. In fact, I've never seen it. SO I don't know if/when it ever played in Dublin or how long it is, or anything like that, so just remember I'm making this up as I go along.

Okay, quick question. Somebody please tell me what a Mary-Sue is, because I _don't_ know.

Kelsey—As for the talk with Holly and Trouble in chapter 3 and whether or not it's going anywhere, you'll just have to wait and see. *evil grin* The truth is it wasn't going to but I've got an idea. I don't know if it'll be this story or if I'll write another story.

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            Artemis took a deep breath and dialed the phone number Alyssa had given him. He waited as it rang once, twice, three times. Finally someone picked up, "Hello, Stone residence." It sounded like a young boy.

            "May I speak with Alyssa?"

            The boy was obviously yelling to somewhere else in the house, "Lyss! Oh, Lyss! It's that _boy_ you've been talking to! Is he your booooyfrieeeeeeeend?"

            "Stuff it, twerp," snarled Alyssa (unbeknownst to Artemis on the other end she was wrestling the phone away from her brother). "Hey, Junior. What do you want?"

            "I wanted to talk."

            "Can this wait? My brother's got an appointment with my fist."

            "It could wait," he said icily, "but I'd prefer not."

            "Tell you what, give me ten minutes to get rid of him and I'll call you back."

            "No, stay on the line. I'll wait." He was _not_ hanging up after he'd finally worked up the nerve to call her. Holly was right when she said it wasn't going to be easy.

            "Suit yourself." He heard her set the phone down (but not hang it up).

            When she came back, she asked, "So what did you want, Junior?"

            "I have tickets to go see _Les Miserables_ this Friday and I was wondering . . . er, wanna come?" Had he just said _wanna_? That wasn't even a word!

            "Hey, are you asking me on a date?" she asked, a slight tease in her voice.

            "Well, er," he started.

            "Good. I'll see you Friday. Here's my address." She rambled it off. "What time are you going to pick me up?"

            "6:30."

            "Great. Later."

            "Goodbye," he said, but the line had already gone dead. He sat there for a moment, rather stunned. Then he got up and ran into Butler in the hallway.

            "Did you ask her?"

            "She said yes."

            "That's great!" said Butler, and he meant it. A girlfriend was just sort of thing that might bring Artemis a little closer to the reality of normal that the rest of the world lived in, not by much, but it could be a start. Butler had told Mrs. Fowl this as soon as his suspicions about Artemis's troubles had been confirmed. Girls certainly _were_ trouble.

            Artemis went back to his room and wrote to Holly. After her and Trouble's visit, she and Foaly had rigged up away for Artemis and her to exchange email, should he need any more advice. "But really," she had said, "You ought to talk to Juliet. She's a girl too and she'll be more in key with what you should probably wear and topics of conversation. Don't hesitate to talk to her about any of this."

            Artemis emailed her the good news and a request for any more advice he might need. Then he did something he'd never done before and went to Juliet's room. He knocked on the door.

            "Mrs. Fowl? Come in."

            "It's me," said Artemis through the door.

            "Arty?" she asked, startled. "Come in."

            He entered and saw her sprawled across the bed, reading a wrestling magazine.

            "Well, what brings you here?"

            "Advice. I had a feeling you might be of more assistance than your brother in this topic."

            "What topic?"

            "Girls."

            She grinned. "I knew it! We guessed that the week after you came home from school. The signs were _all_ there. What do you need advice on?"

            He tried to remain composed and unaffected as he said to her, "I'm going on a date on Friday."

            "You are?" She just couldn't picture Artemis on a date. He was nothing like the boys she went out with.

            "Yes, I am. Why should that be so shocking?"

            "You've never been on a date before. Heck, you usually don't even talk to anybody. What do you need help with?"

            "Everything. Here, I made a list." He handed her a typed out list. It read:

q What to wear

q What to say (topics of conversation)

q How should I act

q Miscellaneous

            "What to wear," she mused. "I think you and I need to take a shopping trip. Where are you taking her?"

            "We're going to see a show. _Les Miserables_."

            Juliet winced. "That doesn't sound very relaxed, but it's your choice. Are you doing dinner too?"

            "I hadn't thought about that."

            "Do you want to take her out to dinner?"

            "I don't know."

            "Just pick."

            "I suppose so."

            "Before or after the show?"

            "What do you recommend?"

            "I think after, because then you'll be sure to have something to talk about."

            "That makes sense."

            "And that covers your 'topics of conversation' one too. What exactly do you mean by miscellaneous?"

            "Anything else you can think of."

            "Like whether to hold her hand during the show, or if it's okay to put your arm around her? Or maybe," she added slyly, "whether or not you should kiss her goodnight at the end of the date?"

            Artemis blushed beet-red, his face rather akin to Root's normal color.

            She grinned. "The best advice I can give you in that respect is to take your leads from her. You can try holding her hand, if she's receptive to that keep it up. If you want to put your arm around her, do it slowly so if there's any reason she might mind you can have plenty of warning and stop before making too much of an idiot out of yourself."

            "And the last part?"

            "As for kissing her, just judge that by how the rest of the date goes and whether or not you _want_ to kiss her or think she wants to kiss you."

            "Oh." He couldn't look at her as he asked, "Any advice about that?"

            She didn't laugh or grin that time, though it was hard not to. She knew he'd shown a lot of guts and was pretty desperate if he was coming to her for help. She wondered where he got the idea; genius though he was, it was unlikely he'd thought it up himself. "Just do what comes natural. If it feels right, lean in for the kiss. When your lips are on hers your mouth'll know how to do the rest. You'll be fine." She patted his arm. "I'm glad you came and told me. Advice from my brother might not have been the greatest, but he would have meant well. Although he's wiser than a lot of guys. What made you think to come to me?"

            He gulped. "Do you remember my friend Holly?"

            "The fairy girl?"

            "Yes."

            "I was talking to her, well I was talking to Butler and her husband and she showed up and said that if I wanted _good_ advice I'd be better off talking to her or you."

            "Thanks for trusting me, Arty. You and me can go out shopping tomorrow and I'll find something for you to wear. We can pick a restaurant for you to go to too."

            "Thank you, Juliet."

            "Your welcome."

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            "Try on the next outfit. I'll be back in two minutes!"

            Artemis sighed and went back to the dressing room. He came out in a camouflage shirt with matching pants and hat and army boots. Not his look at all. His skinny frame really didn't belong in these clothes. The weight of the shirt was probably going to break his back.


	8. Shopping & The Date

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl (we've already discussed this and if I have to say it again I will be very sad, depressed enough not to update…). 

I think I am going to do more Holly/Trouble but not much more on them for this fic. This fic is centered on Artemis and his romance problems (and believe me, has he got problems!), not on Holly and her lack of maternal instinct. That will be my next fic. I know I said this was the last one, but I said that 3 fics ago and look where we are now.

Anyway, thanks for the reviews, here's the next chapter.

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            Artemis surveyed himself he did not like what he saw.

            "Artemis! Come out so I can see you."

            "No. I will not be seen dressed like this."

            "I'm sure you look fine."

            "I look like an idiot."

            "Just come out so I can see you."

            He walked out of the dressing room wearing baggy blue jeans, a loose t-shirt (a horrible bright yellow), a blue hooded sweatshirt, and dark blue sneakers. And a pair of very dark sunglasses. There was a chain attached to the jeans. "I look like an idiot," he repeated sourly. This look did not look good on him. His pale face and dark did not work well with this "skater boy" look.

            "You're right. Try on the next one," she commanded.

            He trudged back to the dressing room and tried on the next outfit. It was worse (if that was possible).

            "I'm not coming out!" he shouted. Shouting public? Very unlike him.

            "Just let me see."

            "No."

            "Artemis, if you don't come out by the time I count to five, I'm coming in after you and I _can_ take the door off the hinge."

            He believed her. She could probably do it. He came out in chunky leather boots, a leather jacket, a black t-shirt with a skull and cross bones, spiked jewelry, and tight black jeans. [A/N: my attempt at a "goth" look, sorry I don't know much fashion-wise and everybody at my school wears a uniform]

            She considered him. Black was his color and this look was _better_ on him, but it still wasn't right. "Try on the next outfit. I'll be back in two minutes!"

            Artemis sighed and went back to the dressing room. He came out in a cammoflauge shirt with matching pants and hat and army boots. Not his look at all. His skinny frame really didn't belong in these clothes. The weight of the shirt was awful.

            She had another bundle of clothes in her arms. "No good. Those definitely aren't you. Try these. I think they're good."

            He went back to the dressing room and tried on her latest outfit. He looked in the mirror. Not bad at all, this was much more his style.

            "I think we've found _the_ outfit." She nearly squealed. This was perfect! With his complexion, his frame, and his hair this outfit was great. "What do you think?"

            "Not bad," he admitted. Artemis was wearing dark slacks and a long-sleeved black turtleneck. He had on nice lace up leather shoes (though they weren't his handmade Italian loafers). The look worked well on him.

            "Really?"

            "Yes," he sighed. He was ready for the torture known as shopping to end.

            "Great! Change back into your clothes and we can pay for these at the register."

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            That night, Artemis went to Juliet's room to go over places he and Alyssa could eat at. They had a map spread before them.

            "Here's the theatre. If you don't want to have my brother pick you up between time, I assume he's not staying to watch the show?"

            "I don't believe he is."

            "Then you'll want to keep it close. This restaurant is very nice, it's classy, but not extremely elegant and its only two blocks, so it's close enough to walk. But what type of foods does she like?"

            Artemis tried to recall anything Alyssa had said about food.

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            Mrs. Fowl looked at Butler. "Artemis has been spending a lot of time with your sister. In her room. Are you positive it's not her he has a crush on?"

            "I'm sure. Juliet is just helping pick out clothes and decide on a restaurant and giving him advice."

            "I wish his father were here to see him and talk to him." 

            "Girls are better with advice of this sort. Don't worry. Artemis will be fine."

            "If you say so." She still looked worried.

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            Friday night came and Juliet was helping Artemis get ready for his date. He was already dressed and she was straightening out his clothes and combing his hair for him. It had to look just right after all. He brushed his teeth until they gleamed. His shoes were polished. He was ready. "Don't give her any lame lines? Better yet, don't give her any lines."

            "Hmm?"

            "I said don't give her any of the corny lines guys use to get girls to like them. Idiot guys. Like 'You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day' or something lame like that."

            "Okay." 

            They went downstairs and he was just getting ready to make his exit when Juliet exclaimed, "I almost forgot! Hold on a moment!" She dashed out to the kitchen and came back with a single red rose. "Give this to her when you see her."

            "It's cold," he said, startled.

            "It's been in the refrigerator all day to keep it fresh."

            Unfortunately the delay had given Artemis's mother enough time to come downstairs and see him off. "My little Arty! All grown up. Going out on his first date!" She hugged him.

            "Mother!" he said, embarrassed.

            "Have fun tonight, Arty. Butler will keep an eye on you."

            Artemis's eyes bulged slightly. He wasn't sure whether or not he'd factored his bodyguard into the equation of his first date.

            Butler was standing behind Mrs. Fowl and mouthed the words, "Don't worry about it."

            Artemis nodded. They'd work out the details in the car. "Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye, Juliet. I'll see you both later this evening." He gratefully made his exit.

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            Artemis walked up to Alyssa's front door, a cool mask of composure on his face (though inwardly he squirmed).

            He knocked on the door and it was almost immediately pulled open by a lanky boy of about 8, with flaming red hair. "Mum! Lys's date is here!"

            Artemis winced and remember what Juliet had told him. _"Does she have any brothers?" he had asked. "One that I know of," he had replied. She asked if he was younger or old and he'd said, "I'm fairly sure he's young." She said, "The brother and the dad might grill you a bit. Be nice and make a good impression." "Grill me?" he had asked. "Just the usual 'Don't lay a hand on my daughter or I'll hunt you down with my rifle, it's loaded'." "Oh," he had said faintly._ Now he looked at the brother and he didn't look very intimidating. He stuck out his hand. "Hello, I'm—"

            A woman with hair the same color as Alyssa's came out of the hallway at once and said, "You must be Junior. Come and sit down in here. Lyssie is almost ready. Shut the door quietly, Paul, don't slam it." She led him to the living room and sat on the sofa. "Lyssie tells me you're going to see Les Miserables and go out to dinner?"

            "Yes."

            "You don't look old enough to drive."

            "I'm fourteen. About a week older than Alyssa."

            "Who is driving?"

            "My—"

            "His cousin Boris is driving and chaperoning us," Alyssa's voice came from the hallway. "I'm ready."

            Why would she interrupt him? He looked at her and his jaw nearly dropped. Gorgeous. She was beautiful. She wore a knee-length black dress that scooped at the neck (without going down far enough to show cleavage or anything like that; very conservative), and it was clingy without being _too_ clingy. Her hair was arranged around her shoulders with slight curls at the ends. She was a far cry from the girl in jeans, a ponytail, and school t-shirt he'd met at the museum. She cleaned up quite nicely after all.

            "You look lovely," he said, handing her the rose.

            "Thank you." She blushed a little. "We'd better get going."

            "Right," he said, rising to his feet.

            "Don't stay out too late," Alyssa's mother admonished.

            "We won't."

            Alyssa's mum walked them to the door. She saw the car and the large man in the suit standing outside it who was supposed to be "Junior's cousin Boris".  She blinked. "My goodness. What was it you said your father did for a living?"

            "Businessman." 

            "A _very_ successful businessman," she muttered. She smiled at them, "Have fun, kids!"

            "We will," called Alyssa, waving back.

            Butler was holding the door of the car open for them. Alyssa and Artemis got in the backseat and Butler shut the door. He took up the driver's seat and pulled out into the street.

            "You didn't tell her who I am." He smiled smugly.

            _That vampire-ish smile was unnerving_, thought Alyssa._ Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea, a very bad idea. _She didn't let any of these thoughts show in her voice. "I don't think she'd take kindly to me going to dinner with a _criminal_," she said, smoothly.

            "I see." Artemis had been thinking about holding her hand and decided against it upon hearing her words. She had pointedly not called tonight's outing a date.

            "Is your bodyguard coming with us?"

            Artemis hesitated. "Yes and no." He didn't bother to explain. They'd worked out some freedom for Artemis tonight but not entirely.

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            Artemis tore his eyes away from the stage to look at Alyssa again. Gosh, she was beautiful, thought Artemis. He looked around. He didn't see Butler, but he knew he was there, somewhere. Alyssa's hand was on the armrest. Even in the dim light, Artemis could tell that the nails were freshly polished in light pink. _The same shade as her lips_, thought Artemis, distracted. Artemis was hesitant as he slowly moved his hand toward hers. She didn't _appear_ to notice. He placed his hand on top of hers and after a second moved his fingers until he was holding her hand, his fingers laced through hers. She appeared to take no notice but he didn't take his hand away. He didn't want to. He continued to watch the show without really paying attention to it. His attention was consumed by the girl sitting next to him.

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            Alyssa was watching the show; it was spectacular. But she was watching Junior out of the corner of her eyes. She wasn't exactly sure _why_ she called him that, even though technically he was Artemis Junior. She'd initially done it for two reasons. Firstly, to annoy him. Secondly, to keep her mother from finding out who he was. She might learn eventually. That had been a close call earlier. Very close.

            She continued to watch him out of the corner of her eye. He was watching _her _quite openly several times, before turning back to watch the stage, embarrassed. Was he . . .? Yes, it appeared he was going to try to hold her hand. _He sure was hesitant about it_, she thought. Not that she'd ever dated before . . . She decided to let him hold her hand if he did try. Finally he put his hand on top of hers and closed his fingers around hers. She showed no outward reaction, but this boy was like an electric shock. Suddenly she was very, very nervous. And her hand tingled as though it had gone to sleep, even though she knew it hadn't. She couldn't look at him. She kept her eyes on the stage. His hand didn't move, except maybe to grip hers tighter.


	9. Goodnight

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl (we've already discussed this and if I have to say it again I will be very sad, depressed enough not to update…)

I'll try and update soon. Hope you like this chapter. It was a lot of fun to write. *evil grin*

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Chapter 9: Goodnight

            The show ended and the lights came up. Finally Alyssa looked down at her hand and saw that Artemis was still holding it. She quirked an eyebrow as if to ask _Are you sure you want to be doing that?_

            "I don't want us to get separated in the crowd. I'm sure your mother would be most distressed if you were trampled to death," Artemis said.

            "Are you sure you wouldn't be a little distressed too?"

            "Perhaps I might." He shrugged.

            She was almost sure that he gave the slightest smile.

            She let herself be led through the crowd and outside. They didn't see Butler anywhere. Artemis didn't release her hand and she didn't say another word about it.

            Artemis and Alyssa walked in the moonlight to the nearby restaurant. As Artemis and Butler had agreed, Butler was not walking with them. He would drive to the restaurant remain out of sight if he felt it necessary to stay, otherwise he would find somewhere to occupy the next couple of hours until Artemis called to be picked up.

            They went inside, Artemis letting go of Alyssa's hand when he remembered Juliet's advice _Be a gentleman, hold the door open for her._ He held open the door and they went to the host. "Reservation for 2, Fowl."

            "Right this way."

            They were seated and opened their menus.

            "Will Butler be joining us?" she asked.

            "I don't believe so," he said. "What did you think of the show?"

            "It was wonderful."

            They discussed it for a while and the waiter came back to take their order.

            "Have you eaten here before?" asked Artemis.

            "No," Alyssa replied. Glancing at her menu.

            "I'll have the lobster bisque with a house salad."

            "And for the young lady?"

            "She will have a Caesar salad," Artemis said, thinking about her dainty figure.

            "Ignore him. I will roast chicken, with a side of fries, a bowl of clam chowder, and . . . " She pretended to look at the menu a little more. "Chicken salad."

            The waiter looked at her skeptically, "That's a lot of food. Are you sure you can eat it all?"

            "Oh, yeah. And I'll have room for desert." She handed him the menu and he walked away. "Junior, _don't_ order for me. Never again, if I decide to eat with you ever again. Comprende?"

            Spanish was one of the many languages Artemis was fluent in. He replied automatically, "Comprendo." He mentally shook his head. There was no way she could possibly eat all of that without getting a stomachache. Nobody but Butler could do that.

            "Good." They went back to chatting and their food arrived.

             Artemis was astonished to see that Alyssa ate every bite. She was a bottomless pit, wasn't she? She reached the end of the table to find the desert menu and ordered an ice cream sundae. She offered split it with Artemis. He ate a few bites, but it really didn't look like she needed help.

            He paid the bill and they went outside.

            "Where are we going?"

            "Just walking around a bit. There's still another twenty minutes or so until Butler said he'd come." Artemis shivered, it was cold and he hated walking.

            "As if he wouldn't come the second you called?" She arched an eyebrow. She had a feeling that if Artemis pushed speed dial Butler could be here in two seconds flat. She grinned. How sweet, he was stalling for more time alone with her.

            "He would. But why bother him needlessly?" Artemis didn't sound quite as arrogant as he normally did. He sounded a little nervous. He reached out hesitantly and held her hand.

            She didn't comment on it, but only gave a small smile. The smile turned mischievous when she said, "It's a shame you couldn't meet my dad tonight."

            "Y-y-your father?"

            "Yes. He was out of town visiting my grandma."

            "Oh, really?"

            "Yes. Maybe you can meet him another time."

            "Oh."

            "Artemis? Miss Stone?"

            They turned around and saw Butler standing behind them. "Coming, Butler," Artemis said primly.

            They drove back to Alyssa's house and she got out of the car. Artemis stayed where he was until Butler looked at him in the mirror, "You might want to walk the young lady to the door, Artemis." He picked up a magazine and started reading.

            "Oh! Right." Artemis hastily got out of the car and found Alyssa waiting for him just outside it. They started walking up to the door.

            "I had a really nice time tonight, Artemis." Her voice seemed to have softened when she said his name. It was the first time she'd called him by name to his face since the museum.

            "Me too. Maybe we can do this again sometime?"

            Alyssa looked at him. There was nothing proud or snobbish about his face now. Only nervousness, a little eagerness, and sincerity. "I'd like that." She smiled, she was holding his hand again.

            He was about to let go and leave, but . . .

            Alyssa wasn't exactly sure what possessed her to do this. But she did it. She took her free hand and quickly placed it firmly around his neck to prevent him from going anywhere. She leaned in and kissed him. She stopped and let go of him.

            Artemis was blushing most uncharacteristically, but he didn't look at all upset, only shocked.

            She grinned again and went inside.

            Artemis felt numb as he walked back to the car. He never noticed (and neither had Alyssa) that Mrs. Stone and Paul had been watching them out of separate windows. Never noticed that Butler had peaked at them over the top of his magazine. Artemis climbed in the front seat. Still in shock as he closed the door and Butler drove away.

            They were halfway home when Artemis smiled. "That was quite an enjoyable evening, but that girl eats like a pig, Butler. I'm not sure even you could eat as much as she did when we were at the restaurant."

            Butler tried to keep a straight face.


	10. The Response

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or anything it is affiliated with.

Okay, finally updating again. Sorry, I've been doing Potter 1-shots and been rather distracted. Hope you enjoy. If you like it, review. If you don't like it, review anyway! :-P

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            Artemis found his mother and Juliet both waiting up in the entry for him when he got home.

            "Arty!" his mother said, throwing her arms around him.

            "Mother, please!" he said, embarrassed. He saw Juliet and Butler grinning just out of his mother's eyesight.

            Juliet mouthed silently, "I want all the details later!" and then said aloud, "I'm tired. G'night, everybody."

            "Goodnight, Juliet," responded Butler.

            Artemis glared and nodded just barely perceptively. He would be up to see her later. He owed it to her that much to tell her everything that had happened.

            Juliet glided upstairs.

            Butler said his goodnight to the two Fowls and went upstairs too.

            "What happened, Artemis?" asked Mrs. Fowl, letting go of her son at last.

            "Well, we went to the show, discussed it at dinner, and then Butler and I drove her home." He brushed imaginary dirt off his fingernails. "If you'll excuse me?"

            "Oh. Yes," she said, obviously disappointed. _Why didn't her son want to talk to her?_ she thought. "Will you be going out with her again?"

            "It is probable that we will be seeing more of each other."

            "Arty, am I ever going to get to meet this girl?" she asked.

            Artemis thought silently,_ Not if I can help it._ But instead he said, "Maybe next time, Mother." He briefly kissed her on the cheek goodnight and went upstairs to talk to the Butlers.

            He went to Juliet's room and after knocking came in and sat on the chair. Juliet was seated cross-legged on the bed. "My brother said he wasn't going to wait around and listen to gossip," she grinned. "So, tell me everything."

            "Well, she looked stunning. You were right when you warned me that she wouldn't be ready when I got there."

            "How was she dressed?"

            "What?"

            "It's very important. Did she dress to impress you?"

            "She was dressed nicer than the only other time I've seen her. Maybe she was trying to impress me. Impress me how?"

            "Well, if she was wearing something that was extremely conservative and you can't even see what she looks like really, then she was trying to impress you with her lack of caring what you thought about her appearance, or trying to get you to concentrate on her mental capabilities. If she dressed in something that showed off her more _feminine physical attributes_ she was trying to attract you by looking her best."

            He tried to consider which category Alyssa's dress would fall under. "She wasn't showing a lot of skin or anything," he said finally.

            "You don't have to show a lot of skin in order to show off. She could have been wearing something really skintight and clingy."

            "It wasn't that clingy."

            She gave an exasperated sigh. "I want Holly here."

            "Why?" he blinked.

            "Because I need another girl's opinion in order to make you understand half of what I'm saying and she seems to be the only other one you'll talk to. What about the guys in her life?"

            "Guys in her life?"

            "Her dad and brother or brothers."

            "Her father was out of town. Her brother didn't seem to hate me, he was probably only 8 or so. The rose went over well."

            "Good! I knew it would. Were there any major problems?"

            "I ordered for her."

            "Bad idea. You only do that if she _asks_ you to."

            "I realize that _now_. The girl is a bottomless pit. She eats like a pig."

            Juliet laughed. "Okay, okay, what about that 'miscellaneous' category of yours?"

            "We held hands during the show and when we walked."

            "And the goodnight kiss?" she teased. "Did you kiss her?"

            "Well," he hesitated. He changed his mind, this was Juliet and she'd been a big help to him. "I walked her to the door holding her hand, and just as I was about to leave, she grabbed me and kissed me."

            "How was it?"

            "Short and sweet."

            "Good. Perfect for a first kiss." She was quiet a moment. "Well, congratulations, young Fowl, you survived your first date." She shook his hand in a businesslike manner.

            "Her mother doesn't know who I am," he said suddenly.

            "What?"

            "Alyssa introduced me as Junior, the son of a prominent businessman, who was being driven around by his cousin Boris."

            "Hmm, I wonder why?" she mused, lying back so that she was propping herself up on her elbow.

            "The Fowl name is notorious. How would your family feel if you were dating a criminal? She didn't think hers would approve."

            "I suppose I can see her point." 

            "But eventually she's going to have to tell, isn't she?" asked Artemis.

            "Well, it all depends on how long you date, how often you see each other, how serious things get, and how inquisitive the mother is. She might want to have a family dinner with you and your parents. If her mom wants a dinner, then either Alyssa has to come clean to her or you have to ask your parents to lie."

            "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

            "Do you think there will be another date?"

            "I'm almost certain."

            "Great. So many first dates don't go well."

            "With you and Holly giving me advice, how could it not go well?"

            Juliet grinned.

            "Goodnight, Juliet. Thanks again for all your help."

            "Your welcome," she said. It was one of the few times she'd ever heard him thank anyone.

            Mrs. Fowl was standing outside Juliet's door listening to her son talk to Juliet. She almost cried. Her son finally had a friend he could confide in! She was very grateful that her little Arty had taken Juliet into his confidences. Fortunately for Artemis, his mother had left and stopped listening just after the talk about his kiss (so she missed all of the stuff about the somewhat false pretenses of who Alyssa's mother thought Artemis was).

            Mrs. Fowl went off to bed that night feeling much relieved. Her little boy had at least one good friend.****


	11. The Bad News

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl

Alyssa will not get kidnapped. What happens is actually a far, far worse fate…

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            Artemis and Alyssa went out 3 more times over the next month, always Artemis and Butler picking Alyssa up from her house. Artemis managed to arrange every date so that it fell during the time when Alyssa's father took his weekly visit to see his mother, whose health was failing.

            Before every date, Juliet would help Artemis pick out what to wear (usually having to take him shopping first so he wouldn't be overdressed). As far as Artemis's "miscellaneous" category was concerned, at the end of every date Artemis and Alyssa kissed goodnight, just a short sweet kiss (after all they were fourteen, they didn't need more than that).

            It was the night after Artemis's fourth date and Artemis was eating dinner with his parents and the Butlers.

            "Son, we still haven't met this Alyssa you've been seeing," remarked Fowl senior.

             "Arty, your father's right. You've been seeing this girl for a month. I think it's high time your father and I finally got to meet her. You've never brought her by the house." His mother looked at him accusingly.

            "Well," Artemis fumbled for words.

            "We should have her over for dinner next Thursday. Better yet, we should have her whole family over. I think you mentioned she has a little brother. How's your schedule for next Thursday, Timmy?"

            "I don't have any plans, and if I do, I'll cancel them. It sounds like a splendid idea. I'd love to meet the young lady who finally caught Artemis's attention."

            "You would?" Artemis's heart seemed to fall into his stomach. This was bad, very bad. They'd never quite gotten around to explaining Artemis's past to Alyssa's family. As far as they knew he was Junior and his cousin Boris chaperoned all of their dates.

            "Arty, be sure to give me the phone number after dinner."

            "Of course, mother," he said faintly. "If you'll excuse me?" He'd lost his appetite and was having a little trouble breathing.

            "By all means. Are you feeling well? You don't look quite right."

            "I'm fine." He stood up slowly, he was feeling nauseous.

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            As soon as he was out of sight and his footfalls out of earshot, he raced up to his room and clutched his cell phone, hitting speed dial.

            One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Why wasn't she picking up? "Hello?"

            "Alyssa?" he breathed.

            "Yes. What's wrong?"

            "I've got some bad news. The worst has happened."

            "What is it? You sound like somebody died."

            "Close," he said, the misery evident in his voice; his usual mask of emotionless-ness and haughtiness gone.

            She repeated her question, "What's wrong, Junior?"

            "My parents are inviting you and your family over to my house for dinner."

            Alyssa collapsed on the sofa and her eyes gaped in horror. "No!"

            "Yes. What are we going to do about this?" He really liked this girl. He didn't want his parents to ruin things. Not now. Not when things were going so well. He hadn't done any evil plotting in a month (well, hardly any anyways). He knew this girl was good for him, was a good influence on him (though he wasn't sure how much of a good influence he wanted in his life). This girl was as good an influence as the People had been for him these last few years. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't.

            "We'll think of something," she promised, wondering what they could possibly do to improve the situation. If she told her parents, they might not want her to see him again. They _had_ heard of the Fowls. But Artemis didn't seem very criminal. And from what she found online, it appeared the family was going legitimate. At last she asked, "When is Doomsday?"

            "Next Thursday," he said, distracted and trying to think of something, anything.

            Alyssa's eyes lit up (of course Artemis couldn't see this). She grinned as she started to tell him her idea or plan or scheme (whichever category it fit best with).

            A slow smile appeared on Artemis's face as he listened. They might survive after all.

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            Angeline Fowl beamed as she crawled under her covers. "That girl really has been good for him. He's smiled more in the past month than he has in years. I swear I've caught him laughing on the phone when he thinks no one is listening. She's the best thing that's happened to him in a long time."

            "You know," said Artemis senior thoughtfully, "I think you're right." He squeezed her hand.

            "We'll call her parents first thing in the morning."

            "Of course we will."

            "I _do_ want to meet her. Do you think she's a nice girl?"

            "I'm sure of it."

            "Timmy, this _is_ Arty's girlfriend we're talking about."

            "Well, I'm fairly sure of it. Goodnight, love."

            "Goodnight, darling."

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            Artemis typed out an email and marked it URGENT. He hit send and sent it out to Holly. He fervently hoped she could and would aid him, otherwise things would get decidedly complicated. He'd need all the help he could get. He sighed, stretched his arms, and got up.

            He went to go talk things over with Juliet. He knocked on the door, "Juliet?"

            "Yeah?"

            "Can I come in?" he asked.

            "Sure. Come in."

            He opened the door and found Juliet already snuggled under the blankets and looking very tired. "Is this a bad time?" he asked.

            "No, no, no." She yawned and sat up, propping herself up on pillows. "Sit. I've actually been expecting you. I saw the look on your face when your parents said they were inviting Alyssa and her parents over. I take it, they still don't know you're a Fowl, and you still haven't told your parents that her parents don't know?"

            "Exactly."  
            "Well what are you going to do about it? It's not like the subject won't come up, Arty. You've got to do something."

            "Alyssa and I talked it over. And I emailed Holly. Alyssa and I have an idea."

            "Okay, let's hear it then." She listened. "You know what? I think that might work."

            "I hope it does. Otherwise you will very likely see me revert back to being the criminal genius I know I am. Goodnight, Juliet."

            "Goodnight, Arty."

            He shut the door.

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*grin* I told you she is in for a far worse fate. How will she survive? Why did I leave a cliffie? Tune in next time for "Senseless authors who leave cruel cliffhangers!" *dodges flying rotten fruit* 


	12. Doomsday Preparations

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or anything you recognize from the Artemis Fowl books. I do own the plot and the Stones, though those aren't exactly anything to be proud of. *shoots stupid plot*

Here's the next chapter.

Oh, and if you love me (or if you want the next chapter) would you visit ? I've got some rather spiffy Artemis Fowl pictures (Foaly, Root, Holly, Grub, and the Bull Troll). I'd love some comments on them. Thankies.

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Chapter 12: Doomsday Preparations

            Holly read Artemis's email. Well, she was going to come to the rescue. It didn't look like he'd really need much rescuing, but at least it'd provide some amusement for her. She was at work, Foaly's computer was the only place she could access the special set up Foaly had done. She went to Root's office. "Hey, Commander, can I have a few days off?"

            "Sure," he rolled his eyes. "What for?"

            "Fowl."

            He snorted. "Alright. When do you need?"

            "Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I want to stay on the surface."

            "You know that's illegal."

            "I also know you could arrange it."

            "True. Short, you better write a book about this some day and give all of Haven a great laugh."

            "Maybe I will, sir." She knew she didn't have the patience to sit down and write a book. Heck, she didn't have the patience to sit down and _read_ a book.

            Root told her to get back to work and he started making arrangements. It'd be easy enough to get her access to the pods and arrange which flares she needed to take, but he'd need people to cover her shifts and he'd have to see what equipment he could cajole out of Foaly. Probably enough, after all he was the one who'd rigged communications again between Holly and Fowl in the first place.

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            Artemis called Alyssa early in the morning and made final arrangements with her to finish off what they'd started last night. His parents would call her house, she would answer the phone and say no one else was awake yet, negations of sorts would take place, and then everything would be okay and they could have relative peace again.

            Artemis hung up and went down to breakfast.

            As they ate, his mother asked, "Arty, do you have the phone number for us?"

            Artemis Senior chuckled. "I daresay he has it memorized."

            The only response Artemis made was to take a business card out of his pocket, he'd written Alyssa's phone number on the back of the card, and slide it across the table to his parents.

            "I'll give them a call right after breakfast," Angeline said cheerily.

            After they had eaten, she was as good as her word and went to the phone. She dialed the number.

            "Hello, Stone residence," Alyssa answered promptly.

            "Hello, darling, you _must_ be Alyssa."

            "Yes, I am. You're J—um, Artemis's mother?" She'd gotten so used to calling him Junior.

            "Yes. I wanted to arrange dinner with your family. I thought it'd be lovely if all of you came over here for dinner on Thursday. That way we could all get to know each other better. Are your parents around for me to talk to them?"

            "Actually they're still asleep. They've been under a bit of strain since my grandma took ill last month and so I've been taking care of my brother this morning and giving them the chance to rest up a bit."

            "How thoughtful of you!" Alyssa really was a sweet girl.

            "Thursday sounds like it will be wonderful. What time?"

            "Dinner at 7. Would you like me to give you directions?"

            "Artemis can give them to me later when we talk online. I'll call you Tuesday to confirm Thursday?"

            "A very good idea. I'll talk to you then."

            Alyssa hung up. So far, so good. Now the trick would be to wrangle her parents. She'd only taken a step away when the phone rang again. _It must be Junior_, she thought. "Hello, Stone residence."

            "Alyssa? How did it go?"

            She was right. "What, no hello? It went great. She didn't suspect a thing."

            "Hello. When are you going to start working on your parents?"

            "I can't work on them until Monday or early Tuesday. We've got to wait for my grandma to call." It had been something of a shock the night before when they'd use a three-way call to contact Grandma Stone and found out that she'd gladly help. She said she'd do anything to help "young love" because there simply wasn't enough romance in the world.

            "So it's settled. Good. Don't forget to start on over the next few days as though you're getting a cold—"

            "Otherwise it won't be believable. I _know_. I'm not an amateur, you know," she huffed.

            "Really? Just how often do you pretend to be sick to get out of doing something?"

            "Hmph! I'm not going to answer that."

            Artemis smiled. All settled. Things might actually work.

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            Alyssa listened as the phone rang, right on time (they'd firmed up plans that afternoon). She let her mother answer it, but picked up an extension in another room to eavesdrop on.

            "Hello?" came her grandmother's voice, sounding somewhat weak. Perfect.

            "Hello. How are you?"

            "I'm not feeling too well actually. I wondering if you and Thomas and the children might come and visit me in a few days."

            "How bad are you? Thomas and I could take off work and come at once if you need us. The children are on their summer holiday."

            "That won't be necessary, Minnie. But I would like to see all of you later this week. How about Thursday? You can come and spend a few nights with an old lady."

            "Thursday sounds fine."

            "Are either of the children sick? It'll worsen my condition if they come and they're sick. I can't have people coughing and sneezing all over me, you know."

            "I know, I know. Paul's fine. Alyssa might be getting a cold. I did hear her coughing and sneezing a bit more than usual these past few days."

            "If she gets at all worse, don't let her come. I can always see her another time."

            They said their goodbyes and Alyssa waited until after her mother had hung up, before she hung up. Things were certainly going well.

            "Mum," she called, and sneezed. "I wanted to talk to you." Sneeze.

            "Yes, Lyssie? I just got off the phone with your grandmother, her illness seems to be getting worse."

            "Oh, no."

            "Yes. What were you saying?"

            "I was talking to Junior and his mum this morning and they wanted to invited us all for dinner on Thursday."

            "Lyssie, I just promised your grandmother that we'd all come visit. Are you feeling well? You don't look well."

            "I wasn't going to say anything, I think it's just a cold, but it's been getting worse over the last couple of days."

            "Your grandmother said that she didn't want you to come if you were sick."

            "Oh." She looked sad and innocent.

            "But she wanted us for an overnight stay. At least overnight."

            "I really want to go."

            "I know but we can't risk your grandmother getting more ill. But what can we do with you? A fourteen year old cannot stay home alone for three days. It's unthinkable. I suppose I could stay home with you and just let your father and Paul go." This was a saddening thought; her own mother had died near the beginning of her and Thomas's marriage and she'd grown very close to Thomas's mother.

            "You could let me go to dinner at Junior's. It's right along the way."

            "That only takes care of a few hours. You grandmother wanted us to stay with her a few days."

            "I could stay at Junior's house."

            "I'm not having you stay at some boy's house!"

            "It's not his house, it's his parent's house. He lives there with his parents and two cousins. They have a guest room and I can there."

            After a little more arguing, she gave in. "But I'm not agreeing to anything unless I talk to his mother first."

            This was a slight drawback, but Alyssa and Artemis had been prepared for this. Artemis had given her his house number to call if this happened and he was waiting by the phone to make sure he was the first to answer.

            She dialed. "Hello, Junior."

            "Alyssa, does she wish to speak to my mother?"            

            "Yes, be so good as to fetch her." She handed the phone to her mum. "Her name's Angeline." She hoped this would avoid her mother asking Mrs. Fowl's name and thus avoiding name Fowl altogether. To Alyssa and Artemis both listening things seemed to be going successful, though they could each only hear one half of the conversation.

            "Hello, Angeline."

            "Hello, Mrs. Stone."

            "Oh, call me Minnie. Thank you for your invitation to dinner on Thursday but Thomas and I, and our son Paul won't be able to make it. Lyssie may be able to come, but she'd need a place to stay and I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

            "It wouldn't be an inconvenience at all. We'd love to have her. Timmy and I are quite anxious to meet her. I'm just sorry that you won't be able to make it. I hear Alyssa's grandmother is ill?"

            "How did you know? I only just got the call that we had to go see her."

            "Alyssa mentioned it last week. She said that her grandmother's health had been drooping."

            "Oh." So nothing that could possibly have anything to do with the phone calls today of course. "So you're really sure it won't be a bother?"

            "Oh course not. As I said, we'd love to have her. She can stay in one of the guest rooms. How long will she be staying with us?"

            "Only 3 or 4 days. I'm sorry if it seems like a long time, especially since you and I have never really had a chance to chat."

            "It'll be fine, Minnie. I already gave Alyssa directions to the Manor when I called to invite all of you over. Goodbye until Thursday."

            "Yes, goodbye." Mrs. Stone felt somewhat unsettled. The Manor? Well, rich people did have a tendency to name their homes and from what she'd seen of Junior, his cousin, and his car, the family _did_ appear to be wealthy. She was a little anxious about leaving her daughter with a stranger, but the woman had seemed very friendly after all. And Lyssie had been dating Junior for a month now and known him longer. Things would be fine.

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Yeah, doomsday isn't quite there yet, but don't worry, it's coming. It should be the next chapter. *scurries off to start the next chapter* 


	13. Doomsday

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or anything you recognize from the Artemis Fowl books. I do own the plot and the Stones, though those aren't exactly anything to be proud of. *shoots stupid plot and drags off the stage*

Here's the next chapter.

Oh, and if you love me (or if you want the next chapter) would you visit  Teentypist.deviantart.com ? I've got some rather spiffy Artemis Fowl pictures (Foaly, Root, Holly, Grub, and the Bull Troll). I'd love some comments on them. Thankies.

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Chapter 13: Doomsday

            Artemis was nervous. Alyssa would be coming here. To his house. Meeting his parents. Seeing his room. She would be staying here, well actually, in the room down the hall, but still…

            He paced and looked around the room for anything that could possibly embarrass or otherwise incriminate him. Nothing illegal on his computer. His diary was safely hidden (he had found he couldn't make himself destroy it). He didn't own any fuzzy bunny slippers or childish stuffed animals. There were no dirty clothes littering the floor. All his books were neatly on their shelves. This certainly didn't look like the room of an average fourteen-year-old boy, but then again, Artemis wasn't an average fourteen-year-old boy.

            He then realized that what he really had to watch out for wasn't his room; it was the parlor and the sitting room. There were baby Artemis pictures there. Artemis went through the house and removed any and all embarrassing pictures.

            Then he went back to his room to get dressed. Juliet had picked out his outfit for tonight.

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            Holly hovered on her borrowed wings outside Artemis's window. He'd just been there a moment ago and he left. She was shielded. When he came back in the room, she knocked on the window.

            He opened it and invited her in. "Come inside. I thought you might not come."

            She landed, unshielded, and took off her helmet, shaking out her hair, which was getting a little long again (almost 2 inches). "Do you really think I'd miss all the fun? I want to meet this girl."

            "We'll see," he smiled.

            Holly was shocked. A genuine smile from Fowl. This girl was definitely a good influence on him, whoever she was. "So what exactly did you want me to do? The email wasn't all that specific, you know."

            "I thought you could use a few days off from work. A few days with fresh surface air. A vacation."

            "That's kind. What's in it for you?"

            "Just offer me a little advice if you think I need it. And one other thing . . ." He started describing what he had in mind.

            "That could be dangerous, Mud Boy. But I think I could do it."

            "Good."

            Holly almost shook her head. There was that smile again.

            "Will you be rooming with Juliet or sleeping outside in a tree?" he asked.

            "Oh, I haven't decided yet. Is that what you're wearing to dinner?"

            "No, I have to get dressed. Excuse me." He grabbed her by her collar and half-pushed, half-carried her out into the hallway before locking her out.

            Holly scowled and shielded. Maybe she could go see Juliet…

            Artemis got changed into the clothes that Juliet had laid out for him. Alyssa would be here in less than half an hour.

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            Alyssa was in the car with her parents and brother. She felt nervous. Things seemed to be going well though. Her parents would leave her here and that would be 1 silver bullet dodged; dodged until the next time the Fowls wanted to get together.

            They'd cross that bridge when they came to it, she decided.

            They drove up the long drive that led to Junior's house. Fowl Manor. There were large gates, but there must have been some sort of monitoring system, because they opened when they drove up. Across the wrought-iron gates were scripted letters "Fowl Manor".

            They drove through.

            "Lyssie, honey, what did you say Junior's last name was?" asked her mother.

            "Um, I didn't say."

            "Is it by any chance _Fowl_?" she asked.

            Alyssa played dumb. "Oh, no, not a foul name. It's a very nice name."

            "Lyssie, is his last name Fowl?"

She whispered, "Yes."

            "Why didn't you tell us?"

            "I didn't think it mattered what his name was."

            "It matters when it's Fowl. That family is dangerous. I've heard stories."

            "But Junior is a perfectly respectable boy. He's very nice," Alyssa protested.

            "Junior as in Artemis Fowl junior?"

            "Yes," she said defiantly. Only another 40 meters to the house.

            Her father finally spoke, "I don't know about the boy, but Artemis Senior appears to be going legitimate. "He has been caught doing anything dubious or illegal for at least a couple of years. That stretch in the Artic must have done him some good." Thomas Stone was a journalist who spent his free time investigating this sort of thing.

            "See? Daddy thinks it's okay," Alyssa said, hoping that if she got her father firmly on her side, her mother would agree to her staying.

            Her mother's mouth was a tight line. "And his cousin Boris?"

            "He's his bodyguard. But the two of them are very close. They're like cousins, or brothers even." 20 meters.

            "And the other cousin you told me he lived with?"

            "His bodyguard's sister."

            Thomas Stone was a very trusting man. "I think we should let her stay."

            "Thomas, she lied to us."

            "We can punish her later. Let her go."

            "Thanks, Daddy." They'd pulled up in front of the house. She leaned over from the backseat and hugged her dad around the neck before getting out of the car and taking her bags from the trunk.

            Her mother got out of the vehicle too. "I am at least walking you to the door."

            They rang the bell and the door was soon opened by a friendly women in a lovely dress. "You must be Alyssa and Minnie. We spoke on the phone? I'm Angeline Fowl." She hugged them both.

            Mrs. Stone had to admit that the woman seemed friendly.

            "Those bags must be so heavy, Alyssa dear." She called over her shoulder, "Butler, come take Alyssa's things up to her room." 

            The man that Minnie knew as "Boris" came and took away the luggage.

            "It's chilly out here. Let's go inside. Minnie, are you going to be able to stay too? We can set another place and open another spare room for you."

            "No, I can't stay. Just dropping Alyssa off. Paul and Thomas are waiting in the car. We'll be back to get her on Saturday night."

            "Oh, that's fine. She can stay as long as you need."

            "How kind. Goodbye, Lyssie. We'll see you soon." She hugged her daughter goodbye.

            "Come in, Alyssa. Make yourself at home. Dinner will be in about ten minutes. This is Butler's little sister Juliet. She can show you to your room. Juliet, tell Arty to come down to dinner."

            "Yes, Mrs. Fowl. This way," grinned Juliet, leading Alyssa up a fine staircase. "Artemis really lucked out with you."

            "Hmm?" She could definitely see a family resemblance in Butler and Juliet.

            "You don't know what he was like before he met you. He didn't even have any _friends_, forget about a girlfriend. Oh, here's you're room." She opened the door.

            Alyssa saw a well-furnished room. Among the things was a chest of drawers stood against the wall and there was a large bed with a soft blue comforter and big fluffy pillows. There were a few bookshelves with reading material and a stereo sitting on top of another small table. "It's great."

            "My brother's already brought your bags up. You can unpack them later if you want. All those drawers are empty. How long you staying?"

            "Saturday I think."

            "Great. Hey, you want to pay a surprise visit on Artemis?"

            "Sure!"

            They crept up the hall. Juliet whispered, "This one is Artemis's. On three, we shout and bust in, got it?"

            Alyssa nodded.

            "1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . .Go! Hey, Arty!" shouted Juliet as they opened his door.

            They walked in on him opening the window and muttering (apparently) to himself.

            "What? Alyssa, you're here!"

            "Of course I'm here." She said grimly, "My parents _know_."

            "You forgot to warn her about the gate," Juliet said.

            "The gate?" he asked.

            "The one that says Fowl in huge letters, Arty," Juliet said.

            "Arty?" asked Alyssa.

            He was almost blushing. "It's my mother's pet name for me. Though other people have taken to calling me by it just to irritate me." He glanced pointedly at Juliet and the shimmer behind her that he knew was Holly.

            "Arty, hmm, I think Junior is better."

            Juliet grinned. "Your nickname for him?"

            "Yeah. To keep annoying him and to keep my parents from figuring out who he was. After all, Artemis isn't a very common name. Especially for boys."

            "Artemis, your mum wants you downstairs for dinner," said Juliet.

            "I'll be right there," he said. "Wait down the hall for me."

            Juliet and Alyssa went out to wait while Holly came back inside the room and unshielded.

            "I'm impressed," she admitted.

            "I opened the window like you asked me too but it'll be your fault if I freeze to death. You'd better heal me if I start to go numb."

            She grinned, "Deal."

            "Juliet knows you're here?"

            "Yes. One of you will bring me something to eat later?"

            "Of course."

            "Good. Then you'd better get to dinner. Your girlfriend's waiting." She punched him good-naturedly.

            "Ouch," he said.

            "Junior, you coming?" Alyssa stuck her head in the door.

            "Yes. Sorry. Stubbed my toe."

            "Did I just see something here? Like a big green doll?"

            "Do you see something now?"

            "No."

            "Then don't be ridiculous. Let's go downstairs. They're waiting." He took her arm and they went downstairs as he led her into the dining room.

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Yup. I thought it was appropriate for chapter 13 to be called Doomsday. Hehe. Okay, so what did you think? Tell me, tell me, tell me! 


	14. Day 1: Face Thy Doom

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or anything you recognize from the Artemis Fowl books. I do own the plot and the Stones, though those aren't exactly anything to be proud of. *shoots stupid plot and drags off the stage again*

Don't forget to review.

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Chapter 14: Face Thy Doom (Day 1)

            Alyssa was led to a splendid dining room. Artemis pulled out her chair for her and pushed it back in after she sat down. He took the seat next to her.

            His father was sitting on his other side (at the end of the table) and winked at him, saying in a loud whisper, "She's a cute one, son."

            Artemis blushed. Alyssa was very attractive.

            "We're very glad to have you here, Lyssie. Is it all right to call you that? That's what I heard your mother call you, so I wasn't sure," said Angeline.

            Artemis chuckled, and quirked an eyebrow at Alyssa. "Lyssie?"

            "Arty!" warned his mother in a don't-you-dare-tease-her voice.

            She ignored him. "Actually, I prefer _Alyssa_."

            "Alright, Alyssa then, is your room alright?" Mrs. Fowl asked.

            "Oh, yes. It's absolutely lovely."

            "I'm glad. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask."

            Juliet brought out salad and salad plates. The salad was followed by potato soup, which was followed seasoned roasted chicken on a bed of wild rice. Juliet and Butler took their seats on the open side of the table, Butler next to Mr. Fowl and Juliet next to Mrs. Fowl.

            Alyssa started eating. "This tastes delicious! Who made it?" She couldn't see Junior's mum cooking.

            "I did," said Butler.

            "Butler is a certified cordon bleu chef," Mrs. Fowl said proudly.

            "As are all the Butler family after they complete training," added Artemis senior.

            Alyssa eyed the big man. Him a chef? Did he keep a gun in one pocket and a frying pan in the other one? She watched the light play on his shaved head. It was very hard to keep from laughing. "It's delicious," she repeated.

            "What does your father do, Alyssa?"

            "Oh, he's an investigative journalist."

            "It's a shame he and your mother and brother couldn't stay tonight."

            "Yeah, but they really needed to see my grandma. She was getting worse this week and when she called she said that she didn't want to chance anyone sick coming over. I was starting to get a cold and my parents thought it best I not go with them."

            "I understand. As I said, Timmy and I are thrilled to have you here."

            They all kept talking until dinner ended. "What were you two planning on doing tonight?" asked Angeline.

            "I brought some of my favorite CDs over and I thought Artemis and I could listen to them. I like a lot of older bands. Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Queen. Oldies but goodies, you know?" She smiled charmingly.

            Artemis was glad she came up with something to say because he honestly had no plans beyond making sure they both survived dinner with his parents.

            "Oh, alright then. Have fun." Angeline Fowl smiled. Everyone started to leave the table. "Butler, Juliet, a word?"

            "Yes, Mrs. Fowl," they replied.

            "When you pass by Arty's room at all tonight, please make sure the door is open. It's not that I don't trust him, but…"

            Butler tried not to grin. "Yes, Mrs. Fowl."

            Artemis and Alyssa went upstairs. "I'll be right back. Just got to get my CDs out of my room." She smiled and went to get her music.

            Artemis scanned his room again. Nothing out of place. Good. Holly hadn't been into his things. He almost closed the window, but if Holly was out and she needed to get back in, he didn't want her knocking. Maybe he could ask Juliet to open her window. Too late. Alyssa was back, CDs in hand.

            She went over to his stereo and put a CD in.

            "This one is the best. Queen rocks. Period."

            Bohemian Rhapsody started to play and she cranked up the music. She started pretend to play the air guitar. She laughed at the incredulous look on his face and shook her head. She kept laughing as she jumped on his bed with a plop and started singing.

            Artemis promptly moved away and sat on his chair at his desk.

            "Come on, you've got to like this music," she said. She bounced off the bed and changed tracks. "Even you've got to know this one."

            Freddie Mercury started blasting through the speakers with "Don't Stop Me Now". After the first line, Alyssa joined in. "I feel alive, and the world I'll turn it inside out—yeah; and floating around in ecstasy; so don't stop me now don't stop me;  'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time." She looked at him. "Sing it!" she commanded, grinning. 

            "I don't want to," he protested.

            "Come on," she urged. She got up off the bed and took his hands spinning him out of his chair and forcing him to dance with her (well sorta, it wasn't very good dancing because Artemis wasn't a good dancer under the best of circumstances and this wasn't the best of circumstances). She kept singing. "Sing!"

            "I don't know the words," he said.

            She went over to the stereo. "Then this song is going to be on repeat until you do know the words and you do sing it."

            "Only if you lower the volume. It's so loud."

            "Deal."

            After four and a half times through, Artemis asked again, "Can we please shut this off?"

            "Only if you sing and dance first. You don't have to do the whole song, just part of it."

            "Okay," he sighed. "Restart."

            She obliged by restarting the song, and then she came back over and danced with him. When it got to the part he'd decided to sing, he took a deep breath and started to sing it. He wasn't a good singer, but he almost sounded _half_ decent. He didn't see Butler stick his head in. He didn't see Juliet look in on them, or his parents check up on them. He certainly didn't notice the shimmering haze watching from across the room, thinking about how much Foaly and Root would be laughing at this. The song ended.

            "My turn," he said smoothly. He went to his case of alphabetized CDs and looked up M. "Mozart," he smiled.

            They listened to his Mozart CD for a while. One track came up that Alyssa decided was just perfect for slow dancing. She got up off the bed and pulled him from his chair again. She asked, "May I have this dance?"

            "Isn't that my line? Besides, I don't believe you're giving me a choice in the matter."

            "You've got that right." She pulled him closer.

            Artemis decided to let her decide just how close they were going to dance.

            She put her hands on his shoulders, then changed her mind and snaked her arms up around his neck.

            He hesitatingly put his hands on her waist, but noticing that she shifted her hands, he did the same (while carefully avoiding touching areas that shouldn't be touched). They danced like this for a while, swaying to the music. St. Bartleby's had had dances for the older students (they invited some girl school to come) and his new school did the same thing, but he never went to any dances. Never saw much point. But a week earlier, Juliet had taught him to dance.

            They switched off between his CDs and hers. Sometimes they just sat and listened, but sometimes they danced or sang softly (or in Alyssa's case loudly). Around ten o'clock or so, Alyssa went to put on her pajamas while Artemis went down stairs to get some snacks. She said she was just entirely worn out with singing and she needed some energy.

            So he put on his slippers and padded downstairs to the kitchen. What would she eat for a snack? He saw someone was already looking in the refrigerator for food.

            "Holly? What are you doing down here? I thought you ate."

            "Nobody brought me anything, so I waited 'til your parents were asleep so I could come get something."

            "Oh. Well, goodnight then."

            "Yeah, you too, Mud Boy."

            Artemis looked and finally found some potato chips. He also grabbed a couple bottles of water and brought it all upstairs.

            Alyssa was waiting in his room wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt that said across the chest "Watch here for further developments". She jumped up, "Food!" and opened the bag of potato chips. "Sorry, my pajamas are so tacky but I love these. One more CD and I swear I'll stop bugging you for tonight." She went over to the stereo and put in the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack. She went back over and sat on the bed again, munching potato chips. "So I was wondering, is breakfast a big formal thing?"

            "Formal?"

            "Do I have to get dressed?"

            His eyes widened in shock. "Of course you have to wear clothes, if that's what you're asking."

            "Get your mind out of the gutter, Junior. I was just asking if breakfast is formal or relaxed. At my house we usually eat breakfast in our pajamas and then get changed and showered and stuff afterward. At least, we do in the summer. During the school year it depends on everybody's schedule."

            "Oh. We usually shower and dress first."

            "Okay, that's all I was asking." She laughed and she her head. "Goodnight, Junior." She kissed him on the cheek.

            "Did Juliet show you where the bathroom was?" he asked.

            "No," she shrugged.

            He led her down the hall and showed her the bathroom. "Towels in this cabinet, soap and shampoo, and stuff in the shower there."

            "Thanks." They went back out into the hall. She gave him a hug, "Goodnight, Junior."

            "Goodnight, Alyssa." Artemis watched her disappear and went back to his room. Holly was waiting on his bed with her arms crossed. It was very funny to see her sitting there swinging her legs that didn't reach the floor. "Now what?" he asked, exasperated. "I thought you were bunking with Juliet."

            "I was going to but she went to bed earlier and I didn't want to wake her up. I'm staying in here. I brought my sleeping bag. It's in your closet with all my other stuff."

            "And you're staying in their with it. I can't have anyone come in and find you." He dug up a flashlight for her and made some more space on the floor of his closet. "Hope you're comfortable. Goodnight."

            "Goodnight, Arty. By the way, you have a _lovely_ singing voice," she said tonelessly.

            Artemis couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic. He shut the closet door with her inside and turned off his light, climbing under the covers.

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A few notes:

I love Queen. It rocks!

The sweatshirt that says "Watch here for further developments" was not my idea. For all I know that sweatshirt may exist, but I got the idea from Young Wizard Series by Diane Duane.

One more thing, for once I actually do know where the story is going, so I'll update as soon as you send some reviews.

And, one more thing, I'm thinking about changing everything to titles that actually make sense so that this will no longer be the titleless series. Personally, I like everything with pointless titles but I'm taking a vote if you want to change them.

REVIEW! Just click the little button that says "GO".


	15. Day 2: Air and Sun

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or anything you recognize from the Artemis Fowl books. I do own the plot and the Stones, though those aren't exactly anything to be proud of. *shoots stupid plot and drags off the stage again*

I know that there has been some asking for more H/T. I repeat THIS IS AN ARTEMIS ROMANCE. It's **_Artemis_** centered. I've already got plans for my **_next story_** which is **_Holly/Trouble_** centered.

Just so you know, this isn't all of Day 2, but it was getting kind of long, so I decided to break it up by giving you what I had so far and the rest as soon as it's written and you've given me those pretty reviews. *grin* Nah, really thanks for the reviews everybody, they mean a lot to me.

Oh, and due to popular demand, this series will remain without any sort of real title.

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CHAPTER 15: Day 2: Air and Sun

            Alyssa woke up with someone knocking on her door. She groaned, she was _not_ a morning person. She glanced at the clock. It was only 8. She didn't know what 8 in the morning on a summer day looked like. She rolled over and pulled a pillow over her head.

            "Alyssa? It's me."

            Alyssa blinked. She knew that voice, but that wasn't her mother's voice. Oh, of course. She wasn't at home, that's right. She was at Junior's house. That voice belonged to…

            "It's Juliet."

            "Yeah, come in if you want." She sat up.

            Juliet opened the door and came in. "You're not up? How late were you awake?"

            "Only like 11, maybe earlier. I'm just not a morning person."

            "What were you doing after dinner?" She already knew, she had spied on them for a little while of course.

            "Oh, we just listened to music. Danced a bit. I even got Artemis to sing some Freddie Mercury."

            "You did?" Juliet giggled.

            "Yeah."

            "What have you got planned for today?"

            "I thought maybe Artemis and I might go hiking and then we could watch movies tonight."

            Juliet gaped. "Artemis hiking? You've got to be joking."

            Alyssa shrugged. "I could get him to come."

            "No way."

            "I bet you 3 pounds that I could."

            "I think I'll take that bet. Do you need anything? Like for me to show you where the shower is or anything?"

            "Nah. I'm fine."

            "Then you might want to shower and get dressed. The Fowls usually have breakfast around nine."

            "Thanks, Juliet."

            "Welcome." She left.

            Alyssa started picking through her suitcase for something to wear, then she ran off to the bathroom for a hot shower.

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            Artemis woke being poked in the stomach. He opened his eyes blearily and saw a redhead in green was poking him. No, a shorted auburn-haired elf in a green jumpsuit was poking him.

            "Holly, what are you doing?"

            "Trying to wake you up," she grinned.

            "Well, I'm awake now so stop poking me."

            "Fine. Spoil sport." She jumped up and sat on the edge of the bed. "So what are you plans for today?"

            "I was going to spend the day with Alyssa."

            "What do you mean 'was'?"

            "I can't get dressed, showered, and ready to start my day if you don't leave me alone."

            "You'll have to wait for your shower. Alyssa is in there now." She cocked her head to the side. "No, sounds like the water's off now. What are you going to wear?"

            "I don't know."

            "I'll pick something out for you." She went over to raid his closet.

            There was a knock on the door.

            "Who is it?"

            "It's Juliet."

            "Come in." He sighed with relief. His parents would not take kindly to an elf throwing things out of his closet.

            "What's going on?" she asked, shutting the door.

            "Holly is trying to decide what I should wear."

            "I'll help," said Juliet.

            "Good. You two decide that. I'm going to go shower. I'd like this room woman-free when I return."

            "Sure thing, Arty," they said. Artemis could imagine identical grins on their faces.

            He picked up his bathrobe and went to the bathroom. He was just about to reach for the handle when it opened.

            "Oops! Sorry," said Alyssa as she nearly hit him with the door.

            Artemis gaped at her. She was standing in the doorway wrapped in a towel.

            She blushed realizing this. "Er, I'm going to go get dressed now. For breakfast."

            He said quietly, "I think in the future my parents would prefer you in clothes or at least a bathrobe at all times."

            She nodded and left as quickly as possible.

            Artemis went inside and turned on the water. He slid against the wall until he was in a sitting position. That was a big shock. He shook his head and stood up, getting in the shower.

            After he'd washed he got out and put on his bathrobe. He went to his room. Juliet and Holly had left clothes on his bed for him. He looked around. Juliet was gone and there was no sign of the shimmer that might be Holly. He got dressed and brushed his hair.

            Artemis went out into the hall and ran into Alyssa, literally.

            "Oof," he fell with a thud and she fell on top of him.

            "Ow," she said, struggling to sit up. "I'm sorry, I just had to come talk to you." She scrambled to her feet and then stuck out a hand to help him up. "I was coming in to talk to you. I'm sorry about before. But see, in my house the bathroom happens to be like 2 feet from my room so I usually don't bother with a bathrobe. And I would have brought my clothes in there with me and changed in there but I hadn't decided what I was going to wear. I'm really sorry."

            "No. Nothing for you to be sorry about. I'm sorry."

            "Why? You didn't do anything."

            "I don't know why, I just _am_."

            "Fair enough."

            "Let's go downstairs, I think my parents are waiting."

            Artemis looked at what she was wearing (what it had taken her so long to decide what to wear, he thought to himself). Decent looking blue jeans and a white ¾ sleeve shirt with tiny flowers printed on it that buttoned up the front. It had a collar and little cuffs on the sleeves. She looked nice.

            They sat at the table.

            "Alyssa, how did you sleep last night?"

            "Like a log. That room was very comfortable, Mrs. Fowl. Thank you." She smiled.

            "We're glad," said Artemis Senior. "What did you and Artemis have planned for today?"

            "I was thinking a hike around the countryside might be nice, personally. I'm from the city myself and I think the countryside looks beautiful this time of year. Artemis, do you want to go?" Alyssa asked.

            Artemis hesitated. He hated physical activity of any kind. He was most at home in front of a computer. But if she wanted to go… "Sounds like that might be fun."

            His mother perked up. Her little boy was actually going to spend some time outside in the sunshine? "We can get a picnic lunch packed for you so you can stay out all day." _My, this girl really was a good influence on Arty,_ she thought. "Juliet, you and Butler can go with them. Make a day of it."

            "Yes, Mrs. Fowl." Juliet thought, _darn it, now I owe that girl 3 pounds. She managed to get Artemis to agree to it!_

            They discussed possible places to go during the rest of breakfast and Juliet got up to pack sandwiches.

            Artemis got up from the table.

            Alyssa eyed him critically. "You'd probably be better off in jeans and hiking boots," she said, looking at his slacks and handmade loafers.

            "Yes. I'll see what I can find." He gave a slight smile (or was it a sneer?) and went upstairs.

            "Alyssa, Arty doesn't spend much time outside. Would you help him pick out something suitable?"

            "Sure, Mrs. Fowl." She left the table.

            Artemis quickly checked his closet for signs of fairy life. Holly had made all her things take up as much space as possible and put them in the corner of the closet, covering them all with an old blanket. "Holly?" he whispered.

            "What did you say?" asked Alyssa, entering the room.

            "Oh, nothing. Talking to my shows."

            "Your shoes? Do they talk back?"

            "What do you think?" he asked sardonically.

            "If they do talk back, I'd be worried about you."

            "What? You don't believe in magic?"

            "Of course not," she scoffed.

            "What a pity," he said.

            "Just open your closet so I can see if you've got anything better to wear."

            Artemis shrugged and opened it.

            She started going through his things. "No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you own anything less dressy?" she asked.

            "Probably not."

            "Do you own _any_ jeans?"

            "Possibly." He frowned trying to remember. "Yes, I think Juliet made me buy a pair…"

            "Juliet?" She arched an eyebrow.

            "Yes. Butler's sister. She has recently become my fashion consultant."

            "Did she pick out what you wore on our first date?" she asked slyly.

            "Yes," he said stiffly, not bothering to add that she'd also picked out what he wore on every other date.

            "Well, you looked adorable. I'll go down to the kitchen and see if Juliet knows where the jeans are." She started out the door.

            Artemis realized with a panicked shock that Holly was probably down there getting something to eat right now. After all, she didn't appear to be in his room and there was no way she'd be outside in this heat or with the sun shining.

            "Er, Alyssa!" he called.

            "Yes?"

            "Why don't you look around here for some appropriate shoes for me to wear? I'll go ask about the jeans."

            "Okay." She shrugged. "Why?"

            "Why?"

            "You can't answer a question with a question, Junior."

            "I'll be right back." He left in as cool and collective a manner as he could muster.

            Alyssa muttered, "There's something seriously wrong with that boy."

            Artemis went down to the kitchen and found Juliet holding a hushed conversation with something (or someone) sitting out of sight behind the counter.

            "Yes, I caught that bit too. Singing to Freddie Mercury of all things—"

            "Ahem," Artemis said.

            "Oh, Artemis, I was just talking to Holly. I was getting her some breakfast. Nobody fed her last night."

            Artemis snorted. "She came in and got her own dinner. Besides, what if Alyssa had walked in. Who would you have said you were talking to?"

            "Well, er, myself. People do that. I bet even you do."

            "No, actually. I came in here to ask if we bought any jeans when we went shopping."

            "Yes, their still in the bag in my room."

            "Mud Boy, I hear you're going hiking." Holly had climbed up on top of the counter and was sitting there.

            "What? No green jumpsuit today? You're almost exclusively in that. Except that time you wore the pink number with the miniskirt and the blonde wig—"

            She jumped at him with reflexes like a cat and whacked him with her buzz baton.

            "Ouch," he rubbed his arm bitterly. "That was most uncalled for, Captain."

            She snorted. "Me, uncalled for? You had no business bringing that up. I was on an undercover assignment before hand, or I wouldn't have been caught _dead_ in that outfit. This spiffy black ensemble—"

            "I don't need to hear about your wardrobe choices, Captain. Just refrain from being seen and I'll be pleased. Juliet, you said the bag in your room?"

            "Yes, the one under the desk."

            "Thank you." He left and heard Juliet and Holly resuming their gossip. Women! He found the bag easily enough and took it back to his room.

            "Hey."

            "Oh, hello, Alyssa. Did you find the appropriate footwear?"

            "No, but I found something that looks like they would almost pass as sneakers. Well, let's see what's in that bag with the jeans." She dumped it out. "Score! We have found you sneakers."

            "I'll alert the media."

            "I've got a question. In the bottom of your closet I saw a sleeping bag that was only like 3 and half feet long. What was that for?"

            "Would you believe I had a three foot tall fairy staying with me?"

            "No."

            "It was a memento of my youth. As a young child I was rather sentimental. That sleeping bag was like a 'blankie' to me. It resurfaced recently and I haven't the heart to get rid of it."

            "Oh, so you do have some sort of emotional side after all."

            "Indeed. But don't tell anyone. It'd be bad for my image." He managed to keep a straight face throughout the entire exchange.

            She grinned, "Alright. I'll be right outside the door. Give a shout when I can come in again. Oh, and here." She tossed him a shirt that he hadn't noticed she'd been holding. "Found that in your closet. Wear it, it's a much better color on you."

            "Of course," he said sarcastically. When she was gone he put on the jeans and sneakers. He changed shirts too. This was a lighter material, rather than the heavy polo, and it was a mix of light blues and dark blues. Part of the blue was just the color of his eyes. He looked in the mirror and had to admit that he probably looked better, though he didn't think he'd ever get used to the idea of himself in blue jeans and sneakers. He sighed, "Come in, Alyssa."

            She came in at once and grinned in approval. "Much better."

            "Thank you. I take it we best be going?"

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You know what to do…


	16. Day 2: Popcorn in the Dark

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl. *cries*

Sorry so long since the update. I've recently become addicted to Lily Evans/James Potter stories and I've been doing some reading. *guilty* 

But I promise this is a nice _long_ chapter and I really hope you liked it. 

I replied to everyone who reviewed, it's at the end of the chapter.

Enjoy (it was fun to write but it took a while, hope you think it's worth the wait).

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CHAPTER 16: Day 2: Popcorn in the Dark

            Artemis gasped for breath.

            "Are you okay?" Alyssa asked, with a grin.

            "Just…fine," he panted.

            "You don't look it." She handed him a bottle of water.

            Artemis looked at the label: it wasn't Irish mineral water but he drank it anyway. He was parched. The outdoors did _not_ agree with him. He was sunburned. He was sweating. He was dehydrated.

            Alyssa led him over to sit down on a rock. "I'm not sitting there," he said, glaring at her.

            "Why not?"

            "It's dirty."

            She pushed him down so that he was sitting. "You need to sit down. It's shady here. This is as good a place as any to break for lunch. Juliet! Butler!"

            Juliet was up ahead of them on the path, Butler behind. "Yeah?" asked Juliet.

            "Lunch sound good to you? Junior's looking a bit peaky." Around his parents, she was careful to call him "Artemis" and she did when they weren't there too sometimes. But half the time she slipped back into the habit of calling him "Junior".

            "Hey, Mud Boy," a voice whispered in Artemis's ear.

            _I must be hearing things,_ he thought. "Alyssa, did you say something?"

            "I just asked if the Butlers were interested in lunch."

            "Oh."

            "Yeah, I can eat," said Juliet. Her and her brother joined the adolescents. Butler spread a blanket out over the dirt and grass. And the three of them sat down. After much coaxing and threats of brute force from Alyssa, Artemis sat too.

            Artemis became aware of a shimmering haze behind Juliet. So he wasn't hearing voices. Somehow, Captain Short had managed to tag along. "Juliet?"

            "Yeah?" She passed out the sandwiches and cans of cola.

            "Have you heard from your friend Holly this morning?"

            "Yes. Could hardly keep her from jumping in her car and driving up here to join us. As a matter of fact, she said she might just do that anyway."

            An excellent cover-up, thought Artemis. A clever way for her to say that Captain Short, er, Trouble was indeed here. But how?

            They ate, chatting a bit and when the finished, Butler put the remains and the blanket back inside the picnic basket.

            "Great. Now it's time for the hike back down," Alyssa said brightly.

            "Hike back down?" Artemis found the chicken salad sandwich squirming inside him.

            "No, we're going to sprout wings and _fly_. Of course we're going to hike."

            By the time they got to the bottom, Artemis wished himself dead.

            Alyssa was on the other side of the car, waiting for Butler to unlock her door.

            A voice whispered in Artemis's ear, "Having fun?"

            "I know you are there, Holly. How are is this possible?"

            "All to do with my choice in wardrobe. But you didn't want to be bothered with that."

            "Bother me with it now, would you?"

            "One of Foaly's blackout suits. And my trusty LEP helmet."

            Artemis didn't have to see her to know she was smirking.

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By the time the got home and got cleaned up (Artemis insisted he need another shower after so much exercise and sweating, but then ended up in much pain when the hot water hit his burnt skin), it was nearly dinner.

            "Arty, are you feeling alright?" asked Mrs. Fowl.

            "You don't look well," added Artemis Senior.

            "The outdoors didn't agree with me," he said sourly.

            "You're sunburned. Poor baby. It_ was_ unusually hot today. Well, I've got some Aloe Vera in the cupboard upstairs. It'll cool your skin off and help you feel better."

            "Thank you," he said grudgingly. "Pass the green beans, please."

            Alyssa chatted to his parents about some of the different birds and trees she saw on the hike. Artemis hadn't noticed them because he'd been concentrating too much on trying to breathe.

            Finally, the meal ended.

            "What are your plans for tonight?" asked Artemis senior. "More music?" An amused smile was twitching on his lips; he'd stuck his head in the night before and seen his son singing.

            "_No_," Artemis said quickly. He glared at Alyssa, "No more Queen, no more Beatles, _no more_."

            She grinned, as she had a habit of doing whenever she saw that she'd annoyed him. Of course, grinning only seemed to vex him more. "You're right. No music tonight. I was thinking we could watch some videos downstairs here."

            "That sounds nice," said Mr. Fowl.

            After dinner, Artemis and Alyssa went into the downstairs den. "What are we watching?" he asked.

            "Oh, just some videos I brought. I hope you don't mind chick flicks."

            Artemis blinked uncomprehendingly. "Chick flicks?"

            "You'll see. I'll be right back. I'll get the tapes from my room." She darted up the stairs.

            Artemis stared after her, shaking his head.

            "Wha'cha lookin' at?" mocked a voice beside him, from about three feet above the ground.

            Artemis looked down. "Hello, Captain." He squatted down beside her, very un-Artemis like. "You'll be joining us this evening?"

            "Wouldn't miss it. After all I didn't miss your performance last night."

            "Performance?"

            "Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball, don't stop me now, if you're looking for a good time, just give me a call…" she started to sing.

            His eyes narrowed. "You little imp! You were spying on me!" he made to snatch had her but she dodged agilely.

            "I'm not an _imp_, I am an _elf_." She continued to dodge as he chased her. "And you know what a chick flick is?"

            "What?"

            "A mushy, romantic, sappy girly movie."

            Artemis rolled his eyes, hoping she wasn't serious.

            They were halfway around the room when she panted, "You might want to stop. Before your girlfriend gets back."

            He glared; he'd had to stop moving to catch his breath. Exercise did _not_ suit him. He straightened and adjusted his hair and clothing. He was looking calm and serene when Alyssa came down. Holly was shielded and had made herself comfortable in an overstuffed chair.

            "All ready?" she asked brightly.

            "Yes. What movies do you have there?"

            "Oh, just some random things. I'll put one in. Go sit down."

            "What type of movies do you have there?" he could see her sorting through and deciding what to put in the VCR as she knelt on the carpet.

            "Oh, some of the classics. Some action, some musicals, some chick flicks."

            "A movie marathon?" he asked.

            "You read my mind." She finally picked a tape and put it in. "There, got it." She stood up and started walking toward him. 

            "Which one is it?" he asked.

            "You'll see."

            _Miss Congeniality_ started to play. "What's this about?"

            "FBI agent who kicks but and then ends up falling in love with another FBI agent," she whispered.

            Artemis said sardonically, thinking of Holly and Trouble, "That sounds familiar." He hoped Holly could hear him.

            "Ssh! I like this movie."

            So they watched the movie. Artemis was bored through most of it, and he thought that the pageant show woman who was going to blow up the contest winner was extremely obvious. _Couldn't she have been a little more creative?_ Artemis thought. _Really, these movie writers know _nothing_ of evil geniuses._ He did however give a snort of laughter at several points during the film.

            When the movie ended, Alyssa sighed and a faint smile touched her lips. "You now know my dark secret." She looked dreamily into space.

            "What's that?"

            "That I'm a hopeless case. I love sappy movies like this. But you can't tell anyone." Her eyes focused again and snapped down at him with that last sentence. She hit him with a double laser stare.

            "Oh, I won't. I'd be too embarrassed. After all, if anyone knew that an evil genius like myself associated with someone who was into sappy romance comedies, I'd be laughed right out of the business." He said this with a mocking, hurt tone, and then laughed.

            Holly stared. There was that genuine smile of his again. Wow, this girl was good. She didn't know anybody else who could _really_ make him smile and without him plotting some evil scheme.

            "What's next?"

            "Well, the _Unwritten Rules of Movie Marathon Watching_ strictly states that a chick flick or otherwise sappy romantic comedy of this sort must be followed by an action film, unless the marathon is of a particular actor, actress, or genre."

            "What are our choices?"

            "_Spiderman_ or _Pirates of the Caribbean_. The rules also state that the male leads of the action movie must be attractive."

            Artemis glared at her.

            "Take your pick, Junior," she said cheerfully.

            "_Pirates of the Caribean_," he muttered.

            "Oh good! That also fufils our slight horror department."

            "Slight horror?"

            "Well, it's not an a horror film, but the evil skeleton ghost pirates are extremely creepy."

            "I haven't seen this movie yet."

            "Oops."

            "The _Rules_ also state that when watching an action film or other movie containing violence, attractive male leads, sword fighting scenes or pirates, and a crossing dressing heroine, you must eat popcorn and drink soft drinks."

            "Is that so?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

            "Yes."

            "I'll go to the kitchen. You wait here and I'll be back."

            "I'll come with you."

            "No, that's fine, wait here." He knew she'd find it ridiculous if she realized he didn't know how to find anything in his own kitchen.

            "Don't be ridiculous. You're going to leave me here by myself? I don't think so." She walked past him.

            He sighed and followed her to the kitchen (kind of, he had to tell her when she took 3 wrong turns).

            "Okay, where do you keep the popcorn?"

            "Er, the cupboard," he guessed. Had he just said _er_?

            "Which one? There's about a hundred, no two hundred." She stared at him and he had no answer. "You don't know, do you?" she said finally, keeping eye contact with him.

            He slight blush started to tinge his pale skin. "No," he muttered.

            She laughed soundlessly and shook her head. "Come on."

            They spent the next fifteen minutes opening cupboards and closets trying to find the popcorn. Artemis was victorious. "I've got it." He held up the bag.

            "Good now stick it in the microwave."

            Artemis opened the microwave and put the bag in. He was closing the door when she grabbed his wrist. "What do you think you're doing?"

            "Just what you told me to."

            "You've got to take the plastic off first, airhead. You act like you've never been in a kitchen in your life." She stared at him. "You haven't, have you?"

            "Yes, I have," he said defensively.

            "But you never had to cook anything. You can't even use a microwave! I bet you can't do anything practical. Sewing? Cooking? Cleaning?"

            He shook his head. "Why do I need to? I can always pay someone else to."

            She ripped the plastic off the bag of popcorn and shoved it in the microwave, setting the time and pressing start. "What if you were out to dinner…and your pants split. You know, the seam at the back? What are you going to do about that?"

            "Well, I…" he didn't really have an answer. If something happened to rip, he always just sent it out to the tailors.

            "If you could sew, you'd have a little pocket sized sewing kit and you could go to the bathroom, take off your pants, stitch them up, and put them back on so you wouldn't have to walk around for the rest of the night displaying your undergarments to the world." She smirked.

            He'd never considered things this way before. He made a mental note to make sure that Butler carried a sewing kit for him at all times.

            Alyssa rolled her eyes and grabbed the popcorn out of the microwave. The bag had inflate and she carefully opened it, letting out the steam. "We need a big bowl."

            Fortunately during their search for the elusive popcorn, they'd passed by large bowls and vaguely remembered where they were.

            "Drinks." She went to the refrigerator and eventually came out with two cans of soda. "Ready?"

            "Yes."

            "Carry the popcorn," she ordered.

            Artemis did as he was told and followed her back to the den. Holly hovered close behind, still desperately trying not to laugh. Fowl didn't take orders from _anyone_.

            Artemis sat near the edge of the couch and held the bowl of popcorn on his lap. Alyssa pulled the coffee table nearer to the sofa so they could easily reach their drinks. She went and put the movie in the VCR.

            She came back and sat on the couch, closer to Artemis than before so that now she could eat popcorn as they watched the movie.

            Artemis found the movie amusing. He thought it was somewhat pointless. He didn't really understand how or why someone could risk so much just trying to save one person. However, he felt that the special effects were well done with the ghost-pirates or whatever they were.

            Artemis wasn't sure but he thought he saw (or heard?) Alyssa sigh at least a couple of times when the characters that played Will Turner and Jack Sparrow were on screen. Girls. He found himself glancing at her during the film. When the credits came up, Alyssa turned to look at him. "So we've covered romance/comedy and action/horror," he said. "What's next?" He put a hand to his face to stifle a yawn.

            "A musical," she said promptly.

            He winced. A musical? "And why, pray tell?"

            "After this many movies, you're drowsy, you're tired, you're about to fall asleep. That's why a musical is a very good wake up. I have a wide variety to choose from. _Annie_,_ Fiddler on the Roof_,_ The Newsies_, or _The Sound of Music_."

            "Synopsis?"

            "_Annie_ is the story of a red-haired orphan girl who gets to stay with this rich guy named Warbucks, then she gets kidnapped after looking for her parents, then she gets adopted. _Fiddler on the Roof_ is about a small Jewish village in Russia, I think around WWII, and this man Tevya and his five daughters who marry unusual matches. _The Newsies_ is the story of the Newsboys of New York when they went on strike in 1899. It was a major revolution for working children and the lack of child labor laws and the fact that most professions didn't have unions. _The Sound of Music_ is about Austria in WWII and a girl who's becoming a nun, and then she gets this job as a governess for these 7 kids. The dad is a widow and they fall in love."

            Artemis blinked. "Just how many times have you seen these movies?"

            "You don't want to know. Pick."

            "_Fiddler on the Roof_ and _Sound of Music_ both fall into that romance category, which we've sufficiently covered. I have quite enough people with red hair around, so I feel we can sufficiently ignored _Annie._ _Newsies_ seems like it will be the least likely of the four to scar me for life."

            "Good. I like that one." She got up to put the next film in.

            Artemis stretched his arms. He was starting to get drowsy, though it wasn't very late yet. He put the now empty bowl on the coffee table and felt Alyssa plop down on the couch next to him.

            He saw her mouthing along with the songs as well as the dialogue. "_Ain't it a fine life carrying the banner through it all? A mighty fine life carrying the banner tough and tall! Every morning, we goes where we wishes, we's as free as fishes. Sure beats washing dishes. What a fine life! Carrying the banner home-free all!_" She turned and grinned at him. There was a part when different characters each sang a line (and she sang along with them) before a good chorus came up again. She continued to sing. "_Summer stinks and winter's waiting, welcome to New Yawk! Boy, ain't nature fascinating when youse gotta walk? Still, it's a fine life, carrying the banner with me chums! A mighty fine life, blowing every nickel as it comes..."_

            "Is now a good time to tell you that you should be committed to some sort of institution?" Artemis asked, staring.

            She just laughed, shaking her head and continuing to sing without missing a beat.

_If I hate the headlines  
I'll make up the headline  
And I'll say anything I hafta  
'Cause at two for a penny  
If I take too many  
Weasel just makes me eat 'em afta _

_Look! They're puttin' up the headline  
You call that a headline?  
I get better stories  
From the copper on the beat!  
I was gonna start at twenty  
Now a dozen'll be plenty  
Tell me, how'm I gonna make ends meet?   
We need a good assassination!  
We need an earthquake or a war!   
How 'bout a crooked politician?   
Hey, stupid, that ain't news no more!  
Uptown to Grand Central Station  
Down to City Hall  
We improves our circulation  
Walking till we fall _

_Would you look at that headline?  
You call that a headline?  
I get better stories  
From the copper on the beat!  
I was gonna start with twenty  
Now a dozen'll be plenty  
Would you tell me how'm I ever  
Gonna make ends meet?  
Hitched it on a trolley  
Meetcha Forty-fourth and Second  
Little Italy's a secret  
Bleecker's further than I reckoned  
By the courthouse  
Near the stables  
On the corner someone beckoned!  
Go get 'em Cowboy  
You got 'em now, boy!  
Go get 'em, Cowboy!  
You got 'em now, boy!  
Go!_

She laughed and let out her breath. She was rather pink in the face. That had been a long song. She grinned. "Isn't this movie great?" she gasped.

            Artemis found the story most educational. He reminded himself, _don't let the little people in business know they have power_. He wasn't sure how serious he was about that.

            Alyssa continued singing through a lot of the songs. "Seize the Day" and "The World Will Know" reminded Artemis a lot of the fist song. When they got to "High Times, Hard Times" she actually got up and swayed and danced while she sang. Most amusing.

            The only song she didn't sing in was "The King of New York". She got up and danced (attempting to tap like the boys on the counter) but she didn't sing. She explained later that she loved that song so much she had to show her respect by being quiet.

            One part of the song echoed in Artemis's head.

_I gotta be either dead or dreamin'  
'Cause look at that pape with my face beamin'  
Tomorrow they may wrap fishes in it  
But I was a star for one whole minute_

He wasn't sure why, but he liked that part. The movie wasn't half bad. Artemis almost thought he was enjoying himself.

            When the credits started to roll, Alyssa didn't jump up quickly like she usually did.

            "Getting tired?"

            "Of course not," she said. "We have to watch at _least_ one more movie."

            "What do the mighty _Rules_ suggest?" he asked.

            "A classic."

            "Classic?"

            "One of those heart-warming, you-can't-live-without-this-movie movies. I've got the perfect one. _The Wizard of Oz_."

            "I haven't seen that. Judy Garland, correct?"

            "Yes, and how can you not have seen that? Everyone has seen that movie."

            He shrugged. "I don't watch movies."

            She gave an exasperated sigh. "Well, you _can't_ fall asleep during _this_. That is one of the biggest crimes in movie watching. It's a good thing the _Rules_ suggest a good snack."

            "What snack?" He stood up and yawned.

            "Ice cream!" she giggled.

            "Ice cream? It's cold. Why ice cream?"

            "Well, the _Rules_ are that it must be something sweet that reflects the movie and I like ice cream. I always eat vanilla ice cream when I watch this. If you're cold I'll make cocoa. Go get some blankets and you won't freeze to death."

            When he came back into the den with some blankets, she was already there with two steaming cups of cocoa and two bowls of vanilla ice cream on the coffee table. "I already put the movie in."

            She got up to go press play and Artemis settled himself next to the arm of the couch with his the blanket over him.

            She pressed play and came back next to him, taking part of the blanket too. Just as the movie was starting she said, "Start with your ice cream, that way the cocoa will really warm you up."

            Good advice. After they both finished their ice cream, they started sipping at their cocoa.

            Alyssa finished hers and was leaning drowsily against Artemis's shoulder. She'd seen this movie a hundred times. More than that even. She watched the little munchkins singing to Dorothy and telling her to follow the yellow brick road. She saw and laughed quietly as Dorothy met the Scarecrow. Poor Scarecrow. No brains.

            Artemis glanced down uneasily. Alyssa was leaning against him, almost asleep as she watched the movie. _She is so pretty,_ he thought to himself. _Beautiful_. He was content. Looking down at her he didn't think about gold, or money, or power, or taking advantage of people. He just saw her. He looked at her with more respect than he felt for most other still breathing humans. He knew she was the best thing to happen in his life for a long time. Maybe he was becoming a little more human now, was it such a bad thing? He'd been happier this past month than he'd been in a long time. Especially these last two days. When had he smiled or laughed so much before? Never in his memory.

            He looked up at the screen in time to see the Wicked Witch of the West threatened to turn the Tinman into a beehive and use the Scarecrow to stuff a mattress with.

            Artemis watched the rest of the movie sitting there beside her, he wasn't sure when she feelasleep. Just as the credits started to roll, Artemis realized how drowsy he was. He knew he could get up and go into his room. But that might wake Alyssa up. She looked so peaceful, he knew he couldn't disturb her. Besides, he was exhausted. It'd take too much energy to get up and go upstairs and put on his pajamas.

            Artemis's last conscious thought was that he found he _did_ understand about that Pirates movie. He'd never risked his life because he was in love with someone, but hadn't he risked his life for his father? And on their several "adventures" Holly, Butler, Artemis, Trouble, and Root had alternately endangered their lives for each other. And Butler, how often had Butler's life been on the line for Artemis aside from that? Artemis sighed, a slight smile on his lips, and dropped into slumber.

            Angeline had gotten up, feeling restless. It was late now. She peered into Artemis's room quietly and saw that it was empty. She looked in Alyssa's room and found the same. She tiptoed down to the den where the kids had been watching movies. She went inside. She saw that they'd both fallen asleep on the couch. Artemis leaning against the side of the couch and Alyssa leaning against his shoulder. They both looked so peaceful. Especially Arty. She decided not to wake them. She recovered them with the blankets and shut off the television. She picked up the bowls and cups to take to the kitchen. She whispered, "Sweet dreams," as she departed.

            Alyssa shifted in her sleep and her head fell down on Artemis's chest as he breathed deeply.

            Holly woke up and saw the Mud Children. _How sweet_, she thought. She wasn't going to disturb them. Artemis's face actually looked normal and untroubled for once. She turned on her whisper silence wings and went upstairs to finish the night in Artemis's closet. She'd start to run out of magic if she stayed down their shielded all night.

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Disclaimer 2: I don't own any movies or musicals I listed or any of the song lyrics I used. I would have put this disclaimer with the other one but I didn't want to spoil any surprises.

To any Newsies fans reading this, I'm sorry I kinda just pieced together parts of _Carrying the Banner _but it's REALLY long. *cringe* Don't hate me.

Oh, and the den where they watched movies, I picture that kind of basement/wine cellar level. Down, downstairs and not as formal and dressy as the rest of the house.

**_Replies to Reviews:_**

**Slime Frog**—Thanks. Hope you liked this chapter.

**Artemis's Worst Nightmare**—I thought about horseback riding, since Holly made Artemis ride a unicorn the last time he was in Haven (my last Fic). Originally Artemis was going to spend the week at Alyssa's and she was going to live on like a ranch, but then I didn't like it. After all, I'd rather torture them both by sending her to meet the Fowl parents. Thanks.

**Princess Arwen Evenstar 77**—Thanks. Love your penname. Lord of the Rings rocks! (I love the books and adore the movies)

**Matt**—Thanks. I've been trying to normal-ify Artemis without un-Artemis-ing him. Glad it's working. Wow, how many words did I just use that don't really exist?

**ElfinEmerald**—I LOVE Lemony Snicket. Who do you like better? Violet/Quigley or Violet/Duncan? Or no romance? Anyway, as the saying goes: The world is quiet here.

**Anon.**—Thanks for the suggestion, but the other voters out voted you. I like pale Artemis too. When you asked me not to tan him I was thinking, "Oh, no, I'm going to burn him!" *giggle* I went to Blue Yeti and it wouldn't let me at the Litmus Test. Maybe I'll try again…

**w**—Aw, thanks, W.

**spontaneousxhumanxcombustion**—Yayness! I thought I was the only one who used that word? I love it! hehe. Yeah, I got the idea for that part and had to write it. Couldn't resist.

**Alex**—hehe, yeah. Thanks.

**Kelsey**—This is the 4th one in the series, though there will be at least 5 in the end. The titles and orders are listed on my bio page if you want to see them. J 

**(no name)**—Yup wasn't planning on it, don't worry.


	17. Day 3: Rise and Shine

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this. You're smart, you know that.

**Author's Note:** Somewhat short chapter, but I felt like I had to post something and I couldn't think of what they were going to do, but I think this will work.

**Alex—**I love _Fiddler on the Roof_. Definitely one of my favorites.

**Wi—**Hmm. Wi, I think I know where this is going. Wizard right? Hehe. Kiding. Yeah, the Newsies is one of my favorite musicals.

**Sam—**hehe. Pirates is wonderful! I know the story takes place before it came out (I think) but I don't care. It's a good movie.

**Spiketv58**—hehe. Watch the Newsies? I love the Newsies! Hehe. But I got the lyrics online.

**Slime Frog**—I haven't seen "Some Like it Hot". Hehe. Thanks.

**Digital Worm**—Thanks.

**Lady of Masbolle**—Yay! You used "normalify", very spiffy word.

**Princess Arwen Evenstar 77**—Thanks

**Elfin Emerald**—Vetty good ships! I love those lines. The last one has always been my favorite part. The lovely motto. The world is quiet here.

**CHAPTER 17: Day 3: Rise and Shine**

            Artemis woke, opening his eyes without moving anything else. He was staring off into an upper corner of the room. Funny. This wasn't _his_ room. This certainly didn't feel like his bed or soft down comforter. He wasn't even lying down. There was a weight on his chest as though something were leaned up against it. He blinked. This was the den. He'd been watching movies the night before with Alyssa. He finally moved, turning his head to look down at the girl leaning on his chest. Her auburn hair was all he could see, and it was sticking out in all directions. He just smiled and stared at her.

            Alyssa woke up and didn't move. Something wasn't right. For one thing, she wasn't lying down, and the blanket she saw on her lap wasn't the one from her guest room. She must have fallen asleep during _The Wizard of Oz_. Darn it! She'd made a big deal about him having to stay awake through it and then she went and fell asleep. Artemis must have laughed when he saw her there asleep before he went upstairs. Why had she had to shoot her mouth off? Oh, well. It didn't matter. Well, apparently the sofa was moving. It was as though it was breathing. She suddenly became aware that the sofa _was_ breathing. No, furniture doesn't breathe! It had to be him. He must not have gone upstairs either. Now what was she supposed to do? She really didn't want to get up. She was so comfortable right where she was. She debated and Artemis didn't seem to move that she could tell except for his breathing. She decided she'd have to get up anyway. But she'd pretend as though she'd only _just_ woken up and hadn't spent the last ten minutes thinking and debating with herself. She slowly sat up, still somewhat leaning against him. Her head was about at his shoulder now and she'd slowly turned it.

            He was looking at her as she stared into his eyes.

            Then they both blinked and the moment was gone.

            They awkwardly scooted away from each other, simultaneously muttering, "Sorry." They looked up and their eyes met. Again they spoke in unison, "Why are you sorry?"

            Alyssa started rubbing her neck. "Wow, I was at a bad angle last night. My neck's all stiff. I was comfortable but…" She started rolling her head in circles to get the kinks out.

            Artemis stretched out his arms and moved his shoulders, finding he had similar kinks in his back.

            Artemis looked down, suddenly aware of his rumpled shirt. His appearance had always been very important to him and he'd carefully avoided anyone seeing him in a state of disarray. It was what had helped make him so intimidating when he faced businessmen and hardened criminals alike. He looked again at his shirt and found he didn't care. What were a few wrinkles?

            "Did we stay out here all night?"

            "I think so. We'd better go upstairs, you think?"

            "Probably," Artemis said.

            She stood up, prepared to pick up the dishes from their snacks the night before. "Huh, someone must have come in and taken them."

            "Probably Juliet," he said, not thinking that his mother might have come downstairs here.

            They started walking upstairs. "You fell asleep during _Wizard of Oz_," he teased. "I thought you said that was the biggest movie marathon watching sin."

            "Only if you haven't seen the movie before. If you've seen the movie enough times that you can follow along with _all_ the dialogue like I can, then it's no problem."

            "Oh really?"

            "Yes, really. You think I'd lie?"

            "Well, the _Rules_ are unwritten after all."

            She grinned. "Which was your favorite movie?"

            "Well, there was the one about the beast turned beauty. Then the pirates and predictable love interest. Which of course was followed by boys with poor clothes and New York accents dancing through the streets of the city. The concluding movie was about a girl having some delusional dream that she is in a strange land of Technicolor."

            "So which was your favorite?"

            "The Newsies."

            She grinned.

            "Hello, children," Angeline Fowl said brightly.

            "Hello, Mother."

            "Good morning, Mrs. Fowl."

            "Did you have a nice time watching movies last night? You didn't come back upstairs."

            "We had a great time. I made Artemis watch my favorite films. I'm sorry, we fell asleep down there during _Wizard of Oz_. We watched 4 movies."

            "Oh, that's okay. I know. I came downstairs and I saw you two still there."

            "Thank you for taking the dishes out for us, Mrs. Fowl. We got hungry during the movies."

            "You know you're welcome to help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen. You might want to go get changed for breakfast."

            "Right, Mrs. Fowl."

            "Yes. Quite right, Mother."

            They were in the middle of breakfast when the phone rang. "I'll get it," said Artemis Senior. "I'm expecting a call from a client this morning."

            He got up and answered it. "Yes. No, not at all. Really, as long as you need. I'll tell her. Good morning." He came back to the table and sat down. "Alyssa, that was your mother. She said that they're having car trouble and won't be able to make it back until tomorrow. You don't mind staying with us another night, do you?"

            "Not at all." She smiled.

            Artemis Junior smiled too. Tonight would be the perfect night for the surprise he'd planned.

            "What are you going to do today, kids?" asked Artemis Senior.

            "I hadn't really planned on anything," said Alyssa.

            "Me neither. We could go…" he tried to think of somewhere they could go or something they could do. "We could go to the mall." He said, "mall" as though it was a foreign word. He detested shopping, but he knew Alyssa didn't.

            "Really?" she asked.

            "Sure," he shrugged.

            Anegline smiled. "Wonderful! Juliet, do you want to go shopping today?"

            "Sure, Mrs. Fowl."

            They got ready for the day's shopping and the five of them (Artemis couldn't go without his faithful bodyguard) departed.

Hope you enjoyed this, I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. It's going to be entitled "Torture"


	18. Day 3: Torture

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.**

**I kind of make fun of some stores in the chapter. To forewarn you I have absolutely NO sense in fashion although I think black turtlenecks on guys are somewhat attractive (I dunno why but I think it works!). I don't know whether or not some of these stores have dressing rooms or what type of door the dressing rooms have. I don't know what stores are found in malls in Ireland. I haven't been there (but my dad has, I only went as far as England). Anyway, that's beside the point. The mall in this story is modeled after the one near my city, which is very very very far away from Dublin.**

Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I was away most of this week and I had some trouble thinking of suitable torture for Arty. But I assure you, I believe this chapter is well worth the wait (well, I think so anyway).

**Replies:**

**CaptainRoseShort**—Thanks. I was kind of on a Sandra Bullock kick when I wrote that chapter. I hope Arty is as tortured at the mall as you want him to be (I certainly tried). Thanks. I'll email you soon, I was away pretty much all this week.

**Evildeadbush—**Thanks. Hey! I recognize the guy in the white coat. He took me to my padded cell too. *nods* The white coat people didn't trust me with pencils, said they were too pointy. I asked if I could finger paint my stories and they said I'd drown.

**Alex—**Story is probably going to be under 25 chapters. Maybe 23? The way this chapter worked out I'm already going to have one more chapter (at least) than what I thought before today.

**Princess Arwen Evenstar 77—**Hehe! Yes, indeed it is scary!

**Digital Worm**—This chapter is about 3 times longer.

**Kelsey—**Sorry, Kelsey, you don't get to find out the surprise this chapter. *evil laugh* I decided to torture Arty instead. After this he may not want to give her any surprises… Holly has some meaning I suppose, but I think she's mostly entertainment. I love PotC too! Yes, yes, Holly/Trouble is coming but there's still several chapters of this left and I haven't started the Holly/Trouble one yet. All I have for that is a basic plot idea starting to form.

**SpikeTV58—**Thanks

**ElfinEmerald—**hehe. Perish the thought! That's a good line. Mind if I use it somewhere? I think it sounds Holly-ish. Or maybe Foaly…Carmelita Spats being pushed out the window? Sign me up!

**QueenTigris**—Okay, updating. Sorry about the short chapter, this one is longer.

**Weaselgurl27**—Thanks, I'll try and update more quickly, I was having trouble thinking of suitable torture.

**Sam—**Mall torture coming up!

**W—**Really? Question marks, that's bizarre. I checked the chapter after I got this review and it was fine here. FanFiction.net goes crazy a lot.

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**CHAPTER 18: Day 3: Torture**

            Angeline was torn between her curiosity and her desire to let her son have a little freedom. She was interested to see how he and Alyssa interacted together, but she knew that it wouldn't be the same with her walking with them. She let her desire to see her son being normal win out.

            "Arty, you and Alyssa have fun with Butler, and Juliet and I will meet you at the food-court around noon."

            "Butler and I were thinking, maybe he should stay with you and I'll keep an eye on Alyssa and Artemis."

            "Really?" asked Mrs. Fowl.

            "Well, you see, Butler is more likely to stand out, and I'm just as well trained as he is. I'm a Butler too, you know."

            "I suppose that's true. Alright then."

            Juliet tried not to smile. She didn't see why Butler should have all the fun. Juliet always got Arty ready for his dates, but it was always her brother who got to tag along. Now it was her turn. This would be fun.

            She and Alyssa made _The Gap_ their first stop. They pushed Artemis into a dressing room and shut the door. Jeans rained upon his head, shirts caught on his ears and shoulders, belts fell at his feet, and socks hit him in the eye as the girls through things at him from over the top of the door. He could here them holding a council of war and trying to decide the best plan of attack.

            "Okay, so we need a whole new look for him."

            "Black works really well with his complexion and dark hair, very dramatic, but we need to incorporate some good colors. No more khakis or polos. No more blazers or suits either."

            "Agreed. Jeans, sneakers, t-shirts."

            "And a leather jacket."

            "You're brilliant, Alyssa! Bloody brilliant!" Juliet clapped her heartily on the back and anybody less sure-footed probably would have fallen down. Not Alyssa.

            As Artemis listened to the conversation, he became very, very worried. Reluctantly, he peeled off his clothes and started to get dressed. The first ensemble was jeans and a button-down shirt with a checkered print. He thought he looked hideous.

            "Come out, Arty!"

            "I don't like it."

            "_Now_, Junior."

            Artemis was glaring daggers as he came out.

            "Not bad, I don't like the checks on him, but the color is good."

            "It brings out his eyes."

            They stood there, critiquing him for a while.

            "The black next," they commanded.

            Artemis tried on the next outfit. This was more like it. It was a black, long-sleeved turtleneck, with black slacks and a leather belt to match.    

            He came out without waiting to be called.

            "Very tragic."

            "I think it's dramatic."

            "Kind of starving artist."

            "He needs to put on some weight, Juliet. Don't you feed him?"

            "It's not my fault if he won't eat. You should try."

            "I've been stuffing him silly since I came."

            "I think he's missing something."

            "I know!" She snapped her fingers and raced off to the hat department. She found a black beret and came back, jamming it on his head. "There!"

            Juliet giggled.

            Alyssa laughed. "Yeah, I see what you mean. The boy looks as though he's never seen the light of day. I mean, I thought it was bad before, but this! He looks—"

            "Like a vampire," Juliet finished.

            Artemis smiled, just to add to the effect. What he really felt like doing was glaring. He stopped smiling and started to glare at the girls.

            "Definitely a vampire!"

            Artemis continued to glower at them, and he looked quite sour and on the verge of pouting.

            "No, no, I'm still convinced he's a starving artist. His work is misunderstood and he can't make a penny."

            "Art? What kind?"

            "Either poetry or painting."

            The two girls looked at each other for a moment and said, nodding, "Poetry."

            "Arty would never get his fingers dirty."

            "Yeah, all he needs now is a little pencil stuck behind his ear."

            "If you are quite finished?" asked Artemis, tapping his foot.

            "Yes, yes, you big baby. Try on the next outfit," Alyssa told him. She wondered why she took such pleasure in torturing someone she cared so much about. She was fairly sure that underneath his glares and cold looks, Junior was having at least some fun.

            He went through 3 more outfits at the store and after each one; he came out more unwillingly than the time before and listened to their critique.

            They walked out of the store with a few purchases, including the black outfit (with the beret included).

            The next stop was Hot Topic. Artemis had never in his life set foot in here. Alyssa had only been in a few times, but she said that if they wanted to create a whole new look for Artemis, this was as good a place as any.

            Artemis did not want to set foot in here. Devious criminals, kidnappers, policemen, tomboy fairies, Commander, smart mouthed centaurs, and any psychologist, but there people in here with holes in their bodies that should not be there, spiked jewelry that looked as though it could cause puncture wounds, hair that simply did not appear in nature, and there were pink bears on the walls! He had to draw the line somewhere. He was not stepping foot in this place.

            "Come on, Junior. You're coming in."

            "No," he said calmly, removing imaginary wrinkles from his polo.

            "We're going to make you come in, you know. So give up now."

            "Nothing short of your forcibly dragging me into this…shop would work. And don't even think about violence. I could have Butler here before you could move me an inch."

            "Oh, really?" She took a step so that she was standing very close to him and whispered in his ear. "You're not the only one here with computer skills, Junior. If you refuse to come inside I can and _will_ spam all over the Internet, lies and half-truths about you; including a sound file of you singing to _Queen_ and a picture of you wearing a fluffy bunny costume. In addition to all this and any embarrassing pictures I can find at the Manor, I can add such tidbits as Artemis sleeps holding a ratty old teddy bear and still believes in fairies."

            Anybody who wasn't Artemis would have dropped their jaw or started to gasp. Artemis on the other hand, admired her. Blackmail, how stylish. The girl was certainly resourceful. He opened his mouth to speak.

            "And it won't matter what you put online about me because nobody knows who I am. You on the other hand, are a well-respected and terrifying figure…to some. Not to me. I can hack into highly guarded sites and put anything I want there and people _will_ believe it." She kept her face and voice composed and menacing (though he couldn't really see her face) and hoped that her bluff would continue to hold.

            Artemis knew he was defeated, but he couldn't help but still admire her ingenuity. And daring. "I have never worn a fluffy bunny costume and I don't sleep with a ratty old teddy bear."

            "Oh, but the wonders I could do with a photo program. Even if my photos aren't prefect, people believe what they want to see. Artemis with a teddy bear or in a bunny costume is much less threatening to most of them than Artemis with well-manicured nails and a custom made suit."

            She had a point there. Score: Alyssa 1, Artemis 0.

            Alyssa dragged him in, glad that their whispered conversation had gone so well. She hadn't thought that her lies would go over so well. She would have to remember the voice and tone she used. She was something of a computer wiz, but couldn't do all that she'd just boasted of. And as for having a sound file of him singing, well that was just impossible.

            Juliet waited until the two teenagers were fully inside the store before she allowed herself to laugh. This was so great. She didn't know (yet) what Alyssa had said to Artemis but it had to have been something or it wouldn't have worked. She was so glad that she had the iris cam for Holly to catch it all with. She followed the two into the store, wondering how safe it would be to leave them alone together. From the look on Arty's face…

            Artemis was looking distasteful at the clothes and pins that hung on the walls. He heard a few whispered words behind him, but just as he turned he was ambushed and carried off and stuffed into a small room.

            "What's going on?" he demanded. He looked around his confinement and within seconds realized it was just another dressing room. This one however had no locking door. Just a curtain. He concluded (correctly) that Alyssa and Juliet had each grabbed him by an arm and dragged him here.

            He was just about to get out when an arm came through the gap in the curtains. The hand at the end of the arm was holding a pile of clothes. Alyssa's voice on the other side said, "Put these on," and dropped them at his feet. The arm disappeared.

            Artemis got undressed and picked up the clothes to put them on. He looked at them. No. He was not going to put these on. No, no, no! "I'm not wearing this," he said, kicking the clothes out of the room from under the curtain. An arm reached under the curtain and before he could react, took the pants and shirt he had arrived in, which were lying in a heap at his feet (actually, they were folded). The clothes that he'd been instructed to try on were again shoved under the door. "Put these on."

            "No. Give me back my garments."

            "Look, Junior," came Alyssa's voice from the other side of the curtain. "Juliet and I are holding your other clothes hostage, which means you're standing in there in your underpants. This dressing room has no lock, as you've probably discovered. After all, you _are_ a bright boy. It's just a curtain. Sure you can tie the end shut, but really, what good would that do? Either you put these clothes on now," she shoved them under the curtain, "or Juliet and I, who have become close friends over the past couple of days, can come in there and dress you ourselves. Choose."

            Artemis started muttering angrily, but he got dressed. It had to be better than being publicly humiliated, right?

            Artemis put the pants on first (if Alyssa thought he was taking too long and opened the curtain, at least his bottom half would be covered!). They were dark blue jeans at least two sizes too large. Did Alyssa think he was fat? No, earlier she'd said he was too skinny…

            He put on the shirt, which was a t-shirt that said in lurid green writing (that nearly matched the Captain's LEP jumpsuit), "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups". _Wasn't that the truth!_ Artemis thought to himself.

            There was a black leather belt with dull metal spikes. There were two matching bracelets of the same sort. The outfit was completed with a leather jacket.

            He turned to the mirror, dreading the sight. He looked so…_awkward_. Very much not himself. He always appeared sure of himself, whether he was or wasn't. But in these clothes, he just looked too small and pale and…well, helpless. He lifted up his shirt and looked at his stomach. Was he really that skinny? He pulled up his pants, which were sagging.

            The shirt was too large as well, but he liked the way his jacket looked (though he would have preferred something sportier).

            He opened the curtain and came out. Juliet was standing there. He looked around for Alyssa and saw her coming out of the dressing stall next to his.

            "A fine pair we'd make," she laughed, seeing him. This wasn't really her sort of store, but she stopped in sometimes. The people were actually really friendly.

            Artemis stared at her outfit. He had reason to stare; it wasn't something she'd normally wear. The skirt was much shorter than anything he'd ever see her wear (just short of mid-thigh) and it was plaid, the a chain hanging across the hip. She wore chunky boots with dark gray tights and her sweater was a tight, sleeveless black one. The collar of the sweater did (for modesty's sake) did go up her neck in a kind of half-turtleneck. Her bracelets and belt resembled the ones Artemis was wearing, but shinier and a little pointier. She had pins that said, "Frodo lives!" and "I love geeks!" and "Kiss me, I'm a pirate" that she'd scattered artfully across her shirt with a few others. She had a medium sized silver chain around her neck and a snappy red hat on her head that resembled the one Artemis had bought earlier.

            She stared at his outfit too, though not as long as he stared at her. She eyed his clothing critically, deciding what could stay and what would go. Eventually, she'd decided enough about him so that she stopped looking at him, but realized that he was still staring at her. She started to blush, aware of how she was dressed. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe she should have chosen a different skirt. She walked up to him and snapped her fingers under his nose. "Earth to Junior!"

            He came out of his stupor.

            Juliet had been watching the scene with interest. She thought that Alyssa's outfit actually worked pretty well on her. Juliet was no great fashionist (for that matter, neither was Alyssa), but she had an idea that a shorter haircut, that kind of played out a bit at the ends would look really good on Alyssa with that outfit. Her hair color worked well with the red and blacks of her ensemble. "Are you two buying those?" she asked amiably.

            "No, no, no," they both said at the same time.

            "Actually, neither of you look to bad in those outfits if Artemis would just muss up his hair a bit. It looks too combed." She walked over and tousled his hair. "Much better."

            "I like the shirt on him, but the pants can go."

            "The pants aren't bad, but maybe a size smaller so that they're baggy without being too baggy."

            "Yeah, that'd work. I think the bracelets can go, but the belt is all right."

            Juliet went to find the pants and Alyssa removed Artemis's bracelets and put them back on the shelf.

            "I'm keeping the jacket," he said.

            "Good, something you like."

             Juliet returned with the other pants for him to try on and they were suitable. He came out, modeled for them once more, and then went to get dressed in the clothes he'd arrived in. He came out to find Alyssa and Juliet arguing quietly.

            "You should get it. That outfit looks cute on you."

            "No it doesn't." She'd never thought herself pretty.

            "I think it does and from the way Artemis was looking at you, I think he does too."

            Alyssa blushed.

            "Then again, he thinks you're beautiful all the time."

            Alyssa shook her head, blushing worse than ever. Somebody outside her family thought she was attractive? Highly unlikely.

            Artemis, watching her from the doorway, was practically reading her thoughts. "Beautiful. Auburn hair and deep eyes. Gorgeous," he said softly, and for no one's ears but his own. "Of course it's true," he said matter-of-factly, raising his voice.

            "What?" she blinked.

            "Alyssa, do you think I would spend this long dating someone I wasn't attracted to?"

            "I don't know. You tell me."

            "Well, as a matter of fact I wouldn't." He tried to think of something to do or say. He looked down at the pin she was wearing that said, "Kiss me, I'm a pirate" and leaned forward and gave her a kiss. It was no more than a second or two (like when they usually kissed at the end of a date) but it completely caught her off guard. Rather surprised him as well. He was not one for public displays of affection, or any emotion for that matter.

            She blinked and smiled shyly.

            He found himself smiling the same way.

            In the end, Artemis bought his outfit, the outfit that Alyssa had been wearing (though she picked out instead a skirt that was a couple of inches longer), a Wrestle Mania shirt for Juliet, and he snuck in a Care Bears shirt to surprise Alyssa with. He remembered her mentioning some weeks before that she still enjoyed Care Bears and had watched the cartoon as a child.

            They went into the Sweet Factory and filled bags of candy. They went to several other stores and as the day progressed, Artemis slowly admitted to his brain that he was in fact enjoying himself.

            Noon came all too soon for him to meet his mother at the food court. His mother got something from Wang's Chinese Express. Juliet and Artemis each got a slice of pizza from Sbarrows. Butler and Alyssa favored steak sandwiches and cups of French fries from the Great Steak and Potato Place. They shared a table and sat to talk about their day.

            Mrs. Fowl and Butler had gone to look at some cookware and party dresses. Butler had visited a gun shop while Mrs. Fowl tried on her dresses. "So what did you kids do?"

            "We bought Artemis some clothes. Very in fashion," Alyssa said. "Nice, normal teenage clothes."

            Angeline was positively beaming. This girl was such a good influence on her son. Music, movies, fresh air, shopping. Yes, a very good influence. What a shame she would be leaving in the morning. They'd have to invite her over again. Judging from the way Arty talked to her and looked at her and did nearly anything she asked him to, he wouldn't have a problem inviting her over again.

            "Can I see what you bought?"

            They'd charged everything to one of the Fowl credit cards (as they'd been instructed). Juliet passed her the bags and she looked at the different things they'd purchased. It would all look so nice on Arty. Except the skirt. She hope that was for Alyssa, otherwise Artemis would have to have a very serious talk with his father when they got home.

            "We're going to tackle shoes next," Alyssa said. "Hiking boots," she started.

            Artemis glared, "No…more…hiking."

            Alyssa smiled cheerily, "Hiking boots and sneakers I think."

            "Alright. I was thinking, if you get done early enough, you could go swimming. Arty loves to swim. He's on the school team." She looked fondly at her son.

            Artemis looked as though he might throw up.

            "Really? He never mentioned that." She smiled. "Juliet, do you think we should sacrifice shoe shopping in favor of swimming?"      

            Juliet easily read the wanted answer from the expression on Alyssa's face. "I think that'd be an excellent idea."

            "But, Mother, there's nowhere to go swimming at." The Manor, surprisingly enough, did not have it's own pool and there was no way he'd set foot in a public one.

            Alyssa's face fell. "We can't swim. I didn't think to bring a swimsuit with me."

            "We'll buy you a new one," offered Mrs. Fowl.

            "Thank you, but you don't have to—"

            "No, no, it's fine. You'll have a great time this afternoon. Butler, why don't you and Arty go look in on that electronics store and meet us at the entrance of the mall in an hour or so? Juliet and Alyssa and I will meet you after we pick out a swimsuit for Alyssa. I'll give Timmy a call ands see if he wants to come and we can all have the day. We can pick him up when we stop and change at the Manor." She was not really giving anyone a choice in the matter.

            When they met at the entrance, Juliet and Angeline had help pick out a nice two-piece for Alyssa. Her call to Artemis senior had led to his suggestion the perfect spot for them to go.

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Thanks. I hope you review and keep reading! The next chapter = more Arty torture! Probably. I'm fairly sure this will be a torturing experience for him.****


	19. Day 3: More Fresh Air

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Artemis Fowl.

Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I've been sick all week, so this chapter is kind of short. Warning the story is nearing its end. Replies at end of chapter.

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**CHAPTER 19: Day 3: More Fresh Air**

            Artemis stood in his room, glaring. "It's not that funny!"

            "Yes, it is," the auburn haired female fell on his bed, doubled up with laughing.

            He scowled at her.

            "I can just imagine it." She started to cackle.

            Artemis smacked her on the arm with the baton and she quieted. "That wasn't nice. If you want me to help later…"

            "Fine, I'm sorry, Captain. But do please refrain laughing."

            "I'll try, Arty. It's just so hard to imagine you in some of those outfits and being bullied like that by anybody but me."

            He grinned wryly in a most un-Artemis-like fashion. "You're telling me. I am not used to that sort of treatment at all."

            "Sort of brings your ego down a notch though, doesn't it?"

            "I suppose it does. Do you think it would do the same for Foaly?"

            Holly laughed again.

            There was a knock on the door.

            Artemis froze and Holly shielded herself. "Who is it?" he asked.

            "It's me. Juliet."

            Artemis relaxed and Holly unshielded, "Come in."

            Juliet entered, already dressed for wherever they were going. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with her swimsuit underneath. "Hey, Holly. Artemis, are you ready to go?"

            "No, not yet." He had been so busy talking to Holly that he even hadn't started to get dressed yet.

            "Well, I'll take Holly out of your way so you can get dressed."

            "Juliet, why did you have to agree with my mother's stupid idea anyway?"

            "Because it sounded like fun." Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have pushed Artemis to the limits that she had today, but having Alyssa around wasn't normal circumstances. The more Juliet thought about it, the more she realized that Artemis _needed_ someone to stand up to him every so often and push him around a bit. Artemis _needed_ someone to remind him that no matter how tough he pretended to be, he was still human like the rest of them. Except Holly of course, she wasn't human, she was an elf.

            Artemis glared as the women left (Holly shielding as she passed through the door).

            Artemis started to look for something to wear. All he could find was his school swimwear. He was not pleased. A swim meet was one thing but he would not wear this in front of her. He put the Speedo out of sight and searched nearly half an hour before he found an old pair of trunks that he could never remember wearing. They even still had the tags on them. They were a horrid bluish-green but he put them on anyway and pulled out a t-shirt Juliet had gotten him to buy a few weeks ago. He put on the t-shirt.

            He glanced at his computer, then at the door. He hesitated, but went to the door and shut it firmly behind him. The computer could wait until he came back.

            The Fowls, the Butlers, and Juliet were all gathered at the bottom of the stairs when he came down. He detected a shimmer near Juliet that he perceived to be Holly Kelp.

            He smiled slightly as he came down the stairs. Juliet was holding several towels and bottles of water in addition to a few other things (such as sunscreen).

            "Well, son," his father said, "Looks like we've got an adventure planned for today."

            "Where are we going?" asked Artemis junior.

            "You'll see when we get there." Without saying more they walked outside, looked up, and got in the car. Artemis felt an invisible something at his feet. He knew it must be Holly. She must be wearing her blackout suit today or she wouldn't be out here.

            The drive lasted an hour, maybe even two. Artemis just rested his head against the headrest and closed his eyes, hardly aware of most of the journey.

            Alyssa looked out the window at the countryside as they passed.

            When they got to where they were going, Artemis opened his eyes. He hadn't really gone to sleep; he'd just been resting. They all got out of the car.

            Artemis senior and his wife led the way through a wooded area and they stopped their hike about a half a mile in, right at the edge of a deeper and rather calm pool part of the river.

            "Timmy, we haven't been in years. Not since our twenties at least!"

            "I know," he smiled at his wife.

            Artemis junior looked around. He was supposed to swim in a river? But there were _live_ things in it. He looked over at Alyssa. She appeared delighted.

            Alyssa looked at the blue-green-brown water and smiled.  She loved the water. Alyssa stood at the water's edge for a moment. Then she peeled off her shirt and shorts, revealing her swimsuit underneath. Artemis's jaw dropped, staring at her with wide-eyes. She jumped in the water, and reemerged, laughing, her very eyes smiling to their fullest.

            Her merriment was infectious and even Artemis junior had caught it (having been broken out of his stupor when she jumped in the water). He smiled and sat down at the edge of the bank to dip his feet in the water. He'd taken off his shirt and felt the sun's warmth on his back. Suddenly, something grabbed him by the ankles and he was pulled under the water. When he resurfaced, he saw Alyssa grinning at him. He splashed her to get back at her for doing that and she just laughed again. "I'm already wet, do you think a little water is going to scare me?"

            Artemis senior and Angeline were a few yards down. Angeline sat on the bank while Artemis stood in the water. They talked quietly.

            "Do you remember this place?" he asked her.

            She looked around, smiling. "Of course I do. It's where we met. It's where you took me on our first anniversary as a dating couple. It's where you proposed to me. It's where we came on our first married anniversary." They'd made a promise then, to come back every year on their anniversary (their anniversary being a warm summer month) but after the first couple years, they'd stopped.

            "Why did we stop coming here?"

            "You had to work. You were too busy to come here anymore with me. We promised to bring our son here one day. Arty hadn't been born yet, but we knew that someday we'd have a son and bring him here. We never did," she finished sadly.

            "But he's here now. And so are we." Artemis hugged his wife tightly to him.

            Artemis was treading water and he looked at his parents, they looked so happy. He felt someone pull his hair. He turned around to find Alyssa grinning like a maniac.

            "Lyssie," he teased.

            She dunked his head in the water for using her mother's nickname for her.

            He came up sputtering indignantly, "I can't believe you just did that!"

            She laughed, and he knew he couldn't stay mad at her. He didn't frolic quite as much as she did, but he still had fun. Butler sat under the tree, reading a magazine. Juliet sunned herself on a blanket. Artemis senior and Angeline talked quietly about old times.

            Juliet looked over at Artemis. He was having fun and clearly impressed with Alyssa's appearance. It never occurred to him that his mother had picked that particular bikini out for his girlfriend. Alyssa was the kind of girl who was full of confidence and could walk in anywhere, acting like she owned the place; so it was no surprise that as awkward as she felt wearing what she was wearing (she usually stuck to 1 piece swimsuits), she acted as though everything was normal. Artemis and Alyssa held races. Holly talked quietly to Juliet. Everyone was enjoying himself or herself until the sun started to go down and they knew it was time to leave.

            Juliet put her t-shirt and shorts back on and rolled up the magazine she'd been reading. The older Fowls dried themselves off and put their clothing back on over their swimsuits. Artemis put his shirt back on and wrapped a towel around his waist over his trunks. Alyssa pulled her shorts and her shirt back on over her bikini and wrapped a towel around her like a blanket.

            Artemis got in the car and leaned his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. Much to his surprise, he felt a weight against his chest. He looked down without moving and saw Alyssa leaning against him, tired out from her long day. He watched her for a few moments and she soon fell asleep, as did he when he leaned his head back against the headrest again.

            Holly smiled from her catlike position curled down at Artemis's feet. She saw Artemis's look of peace and decided, maybe there was some hope for the boy after all.

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Thanks. I hope you review and keep reading! Sorry if this chapter was bit odd, the next chapter is The Surprise.

**Replies:**

CaptainRoseShort—Thanks!

Arwen Evenstar 77—Thanks

Sam—hehe. Thanks.

  
JewelValentine—Wow!

HappyNutcase1—Yeah, PotC! I love that movie.

SpikeTv58—Well, do you believe it? hehe

Siriusforeva—Was that a good enough response for Arty and the swimsuit?

a aaaaaaaaaaalex—Hope you like this chapter as much ass you liked the last one.

big fan—Thanks.****


	20. Day 3: The Surprise

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Artemis Fowl.

This is the second to last chapter. *sniffles* This is The Surprise. It was almost done when I posted the last chapter but I had to go through and spell check it and stuff and I was lazy this week, actually not lazy, sick. My replies are short and I use the words "Wait and see" in many replies this chapter because I'm not going to give anything away.

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**Replies:**

**Ryuu-murasaki—**Thanks. I tried not to make her a Mary-Sue, but I suppose some Mary-Sue-ness must have gotten stuck in there. As for your request, you'll just have to wait and see.

**CaptainRoseShort—**Thanks. The ideas come from the little monkeys inside my head, the invisible dragon that sits on my shoulder, and the ceramic Holly mask I made that hangs from my wall and tries to tell me to do my chemistry homework. As for what will happen,, wait and see.

**Happynutcase#1—**hehe Thanks. Wait and see.

**Kelsey—**Yes, yes, Holly/Trouble will come but I'm a little lacking on where that will go after the first chapter (which I haven't even started yet)

**Wildchartermage—**Thanks. I emailed you the info you wanted for Fiddler on the Roof.

**Vampygeniewitch—**Thanks. Hehe, I know how that is. Hours and hours and it's like "I can't even see straight anymore!" 

**Artemis's Worst Nightmare—**Thanks.

**Paul—**Wow! Thanks.

**LEPrecon captain—**Thanks, dude.

**Princess Arwen Evenstar 77—**Thanks

**Elfin Emerald—**Me too! I watch Cheers, Three's Company, Fullhouse, Fresh Prince, I Love Lucy, all the old stuff! I don't know what it is but there's definitely something very alluring about the black turtlenecks. Huzzah for those who lack fashion sense! I'm in a uniform everyday too.  By the way, GREAT Jack Sparrow quote. My school is having a V-Day dance with a Pirates of the Caribbean theme. I'm going to be a tavern wench and see if I can talk my bf into being a pirate. The world is quiet here.

**Alex—**Thanks.

**Siriusforeva—**Glad you approved. I'm not telling.

**SpikeTv58—Yes**, there's another story in this series but I can't garuntee much of Alyssa or Arty in it.

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CHAPTER 20: The Surprise**

            When they got home, the Fowl family did something that Artemis could never remember doing before. They ordered pizza in and the six of them ate down in the den watching movies. The family never went into the den. The family never ordered pizza. Holly smiled to herself, knowing that this transformation was more than just the positive vibes she'd emitted when she first arrived.

            They finished eating and Mr. Fowl asked them, "Now what are you kids going to do?"

            Alyssa opened her mouth to answer, but Artemis replied first. "I've got something planned."

            Alyssa cocked her head and looked at him quizzically.

            He just smiled. "You might want to go put on something warmer."

            She looked at him for a moment, miffed. He was obviously going to say something he didn't want her to hear. She left, but waited out of sight at the top of the stairs.

            Artemis had anticipated such a move. "Juliet, would you go help her pick something?"

            "Sure, Arty." She followed Alyssa's path out.

            "What is your surprise, son?"

            "Since last night we watched movies, and the night before we listened to music, I thought we might do something more cultured tonight. I'd planned on stargazing."

            "It looked like a fine, beautiful, clear night when I looked outside earlier," said Mrs. Fowl.

            "Butler, put one of the telescopes outside," ordered Artemis senior.

            "Yes, sir." He left.

            "Artemis, I advise you to put on something warmer. This early in the season the air is still quite cool."

            "Yes, Father." He left and went to his room.

            "Timmy, I'm so glad that Arty is seeing Alyssa. She's been so good for him. For all of us, I think. Just what we needed."

            "I often wondered whether he ought to have more youngsters his own age around; whether we ought to be closer to the city and out of the manor for his sake."

            "But that was why we put him in boarding school, wasn't it? To have him around other children his own age."

            "Maybe _that_ was our mistake."

            "How do you mean?"

            "All of his schools have been boys only. Maybe we should have put him in a co-ed one," Mr. Fowl said to her.

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            Alyssa was on the top of the stairs that led out of the den, still within earshot of the Fowl-Butler conversation. Unfortunately, the next words she heard were, "Juliet, would you go help her pick something?" _Junior!_ Alyssa fumed. Maybe Juliet would let her stay hear and listen.

            "Come on, Alyssa," Juliet whispered. 

            "No, I wanna stay and listen. Don't you?" she whispered.

            "No. I already know what he's got planned."

            "Tell me."

            "No." Juliet took her by her wrist and all but dragged her to her room.

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            Artemis shook her hand. "It's been a pleasure having you here, for the most part. Come back anytime, though I would appreciate some warning beforehand."

            "An open invitation? I'll be sure to take advantage of it." She smiled, a strand of auburn hair falling on her eye. She pulled him to ward her in a hug with surprising strength. "I think I'm going to miss you, Mud Boy," she told him playfully.

            "The same to you, Captain. Are you clear on what you're going to do?"

            "Yeah, I've got it." Holly had all her things (iris cams, disks, etc.) packed away in the pockets of her jumpsuit. It was a tight fit, but she managed to wear the blackout suit under her LEP jumpsuit. The only thing she was leaving behind (because of its bulk) was her sleeping bag.

            "Thank you, Holly."

            She freed him from her hug and went to the window. She looked back over her shoulder. "Don't let Alyssa slip away. She's good for you. Goodbye, Artemis."

            "Too good for me. Goodbye, Holly," he said softly.

            She nodded and jumped out the window, her helmet tucked under her arm, and flew into the night.

            Artemis stared for a moment before changing into some warmer clothes.

            He went downstairs and found everyone waiting. They all appeared busy doing other things (except Alyssa), but he knew better. They were waiting for him. Alyssa waited with an impatient look on her face.

            Artemis clutched the star charts in his hand, and ignoring his family, opened the door for Alyssa. She eyed him warily and went out. Artemis gave a small smile to his family before closing the door.

            Alyssa held his hand as they wandered along in silence. They stopped at a large oak where Butler had set up the telescope. Artemis placed the blanket that he'd been carrying on his shoulder on the ground.

            "Sit."

            Alyssa took a seat on the blanket and Artemis sat beside her.

            He started pointing out some of the different constellations. He didn't really need the charts or telescope.

            Then they saw it. A brilliant green something flying through the air not fifty feet off the ground and diving not ten yards away. It pulled out of the dive and flew off, disappearing into the cloak of night.

            Alyssa marveled. Flying? The face had been too perfect, even at that distance to be human. Not human? A…a fairy? But everyone knew the _Tuatha de Danaan_ didn't exist, no matter what the stories said. It was just crazy. Besides, whoever heard of a fairy carrying a motorcycle helmet? Whatever she had seen _had_ looked like it had some sort of helmet tucked under its arm. It? Why did she keep saying it? Whatever she had seen was a she; there was no doubt about that. But had she seen her? It was just crazy. Absolutely crazy. She couldn't have seen anything.

            She asked, hesitatingly, "Was that that a…? No, it couldn't be."

            Artemis grinned. "Now who's crazy?"

            Her mouth worked silently for a moment, unable to really form the words.

            He pretended to pout. "And _you_ thought I was childish."

            There just seemed nothing for Alyssa to do. Her mind was boggled. All evidence indicated that she had just seen a fairy, but her brain told her that was impossible. "Junior, I think I'm going crazy. All this time in the countryside this weekend must be getting to me."

            "What makes you say that?"

            "Because I think I just saw a fairy."

            Artemis shrugged. "Personally, I think that in some form or another, magic must still exist in this world."

            They sat in silence for a moment, eyes locked. Then they kissed. It was a longer kiss than either of them had kissed before. Before it had never been more than maybe, 2 seconds, 3 at the most. This was at least a minute of full-on lip-lock. Artemis was surprised. His mouth knew what to do. Even if his brain told him he didn't, his mouth said he did. And he did.

            Alyssa and Artemis broke off the kiss and Artemis was vaguely aware that he had an arm around her. Alyssa felt her lip with her tongue, as though unsure of what had just gone on. Then they kissed again, again longer, maybe two minutes, but it seemed like an eternity.

            After that they just sat there quietly. She leaned her head on his shoulder and they looked up at the stars together.

            Artemis had had no intention of Alyssa's seeing Holly to cause them to kiss like that, he had only hoped she might think she was the crazy one and not him.

            When they got up again, Artemis folded the blanket at picked up his star charts. They held hands again and kissed one more time before walking back into the house.

            His parents and the Butlers had left the living room. Artemis and Alyssa sat in the kitchen for a while. Alyssa made cocoa and Artemis sat on the countertop. Artemis watched her and listened to her voice. He knew that he could not let this girl walk out of his life when she left tomorrow.

            "Alyssa," he said.

            "Yes, Junior?"

            "You know about my background and I'm sure you've researched some of the more dubious things I've done, but what do you think about it? About me? About everything I've done?"

            "Well, we've known each other a month. I don't know everything. I know most of your crimes were corporate and had to do with money or gold. I suppose there are worse things you could do, and from what I've known of you, you aren't completely awful. Have you ever actually hurt anyone physically? Or ordered Butler to hurt anyone without reason?" She sat next to him and handed him his cocoa.

            "No. I don't think so."

            "Have you ever kidnapped anyone?" She looked into his eyes.

            "Once. I held the hostage for ransom for a large amount of gold. The ransom was paid and she was released unharmed. I felt bad afterward and gave back half of it. The entire thing was hushed up. None of it got into the media here."

            "Why did you do it?"

            "I wanted money to keep searching for my father. This was while he was still lost at sea and everyone else had given up help for searching for him."

            "That's noble. So it had nothing to do with your family motto? I've seen it and I know Latin. 'Gold is power'. The truth, Junior."

            "My original goal was to get the money to look for my father. I then got caught up with the gold. I later felt remorse for this and for feeling as though I'd deserted him."

            "Which is why you returned part of it."

            "Exactly."

            "Anything else?"

            Artemis thought about it. Hadn't he spilled just about all his secrets tonight? She'd seen Holly (even if she wasn't exactly sure who or what she was, or even sure that she'd seen her) and now she knew about the kidnapping. "No. I don't think so."

            "Then, I'd say, you're a pretty decent guy who looks as though he's on his way to change for the better. And I care about you a lot."

            "I care about you a lot too." He smiled at her.

            They sipped their mugs of cocoa in silence and they walked upstairs.

            "One more dance?" he asked.

            She smiled.

            He turned on a CD of classical music softly and took her in his arms. They slow-danced as they had on Friday night, but he added some spins and twirls for her. At the end of the song, they kissed and she went off to her room.

            Artemis climbed under his blankets and went to sleep, still thinking about Alyssa.

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Thanks. I hope you review and keep reading! Hee! Did you see that coming?

**1 more chapter left…**


	21. Day 4: Farewell

**Disclaimer:** I STILL do not own Artemis Fowl. Must you remind me?

This is the last chapter. *sniffles* Thank you so much to everybody who reviews my stories. You're really encouraging to me and that means a lot. Thanks so much. Warning, this chapter jumps around a lot but I separated the jumping with ~~~ so maybe it'll still make sense.

**Replies:**

Vampygeniewitch—Thanks. Ouch. Sounds painful (and I KNOW about foot pain, I've been going to a foot doctor since I could walk and have had 2 surgeries on both feet).

Paul—I'll try and put Artemis and Alyssa in the next story in this series (this is 4 of 5). Thanks.

Sam—Glad you liked it.

Kuro no Miko—No, you're not flaming me, it's fine. I guess I meant the surprise to be two-fold, she sees the fairies and Arty reveals his secrets (though that part was a surprise to him too). Sorry it wasn't better but it was kind of difficult to create a balance of her knowing and now maybe believing in magic without Artemis betraying the People.

Siriusforeva—Thanks. There's only one chapter left because, after that she'll have survived her first encounter with the Fowls, and that's what the story was about. Artemis gets girl, girl survives meeting his parents.

Weaselgirl27—Thanks. I tried hard to make her character good. Her character is kind of like an OC from one of my Potter fics, but nearly everybody hates the girl in my Potter fics so I wasn't sure about how everyone would feel about such a forceful, control-freak girlfriend for Arty. Glad you approve.

Princess Arwen Evenstar 77—Thanks, sorry but all good things must come to an end.

Artemis's Worst Nightmare—I hope this is a good ending, don't quite know if it's a "bang" or not, you tell me.

Ryuu-murasaki—hehe. Thanks

The Toaster—Thanks. :-)

SpikeTV58—hehe, thanks.

CaptainRoseShort—You'll see, you'll see. Thanks for your reviews.

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**CHAPTER 25: Goodbye**

            Artemis woke up, gloomy. Alyssa would be leaving today. At least now he could finally get back to work; he'd been idle far too long. Especially all those hours wasted watching movies in the den on Saturday night. Ridiculous.

            He looked in the closet, trying to decide what to wear. Alyssa's parents would be over sometime today. What sort of impression did he want to make on Alyssa's father? He'd never met him yet.

            Artemis walked down the hall. He knew Holly would not return, and he needed advice. He hesitatingly knocked on Alyssa's door. _Why did you hesitate? It's _your_ house_, he admonished. He knocked harder.

            Alyssa stumbled to the door and opened it.

            Artemis stared. Alyssa was still in her sweatshirt and plaid pajama bottoms and her hair greatly resembled a bird's nest; it was knotted and sticking out in all directions. Her eyes blinked blearily and she yawned, "Good morning, Junior."

            "Did I wake you?" It was almost quarter past seven; Artemis didn't think it was very early.

            "Of course not. Can't you tell I've spent hours trying to get my hair to look like this?" she asked sarcastically. She sighed. "What do you want?"

            "I need to know what kind of impression to make on your father today."

            "Oh." She bit her lip, thinking. "What sort of an impression do you usually make on people?"

            "Arrogant, diabolical, and unnerving."

            "Pretty much what I thought when I met you. Knowing my father, he might find that fascinating." She wasn't sure what sort of impression Artemis was _supposed_ to make. She'd never had a boyfriend before, much less never had to introduce a boyfriend to her father. She frowned. "Let's go look in your closet. Since I'm already awake there's no point in going back to sleep." With that, she shoved past him and started off for his room.

            He followed behind her.

            They went inside and he sat on his bed while she paced in front of him. "Did I ever tell you my father's a journalist? An investigative journalist?"

            "Yes, I recall you saying something of the sort."

            "Knowing him, he probably did some research while at grandma's if he was able to get on the computer."

            "Your grandmother has a computer?"

            "And she knows how to use it. I told you; she's great."

            "If your father's done any research on me, then there's no use being anything but myself, is there?"

            "No, I suppose not."

            "Besides that, your mother has already met me."

            "True."

            "What does she think of me?"

            "I'm not really sure."

            She sighed and sat down in the chair at his desk. She stared at his open closet for a moment. "The brown slacks with the collared green shirt."

            "I'll look like a tree."

            "Black slacks with the light blue shirt. The one on the right there that matches your eyes."

            "Shoes?"

            "The second pair over." There were several pairs lining the bottom of the closet. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to shower."

            "Don't forget your bathrobe."

            "As if I'd make that mistake twice?" she gave him a sardonic look and left.

            There was nothing left for Artemis to do but meditate while he waited for his turn with the shower.

~~~

            Alyssa slipped the bathrobe on over her shoulders and gathered up her pajamas from the floor. She left the bathroom and stuck her head in Artemis's room after a swift knock on the door. She saw him sitting cross-legged on the floor, breathing deeply with his eyes closed. "Junior, did you fall asleep or something?"

            "No."

            "It's your turn for the shower." She left to go get dressed. There wasn't much to pick from for her to wear. She hadn't brought much extra clothing. Unless…

~~~

            Artemis, Alyssa (wearing her Hot Topic outfit), Mr. Fowl, Mrs. Fowl, Butler, and Juliet were all seated at the table finishing the last of their breakfast and talking when the doorbell rang.

            "I'll get it," said Butler, standing.

            Alyssa whispered to Artemis, "I didn't think they'd come this early. I thought we'd have another couple of hours at least." It was just nearing ten o'clock now.

            Artemis nodded.

~~~

            Butler opened the door and saw a plump man with red hair and glasses, a woman with hair the same shade as Alyssa's, and a little boy of about 8.

            "You must be the Stones."

            "Are you Junior's dad?" asked the child.

            "No. I'm Butler. Artemis junior's bodyguard. Right this way."

            The plump man blinked. This was one of the notorious Butlers! This was certainly exciting; the Butler family reputation was at least as fascinating as the Fowls.

            They followed Butler inside and to dining room. Seated around the table were Alyssa, the Fowls, and a girl that they'd never seen before.

            Angeline stood and gave each of the Stones a hug. Artemis senior shook hands.

            "It's good to see you again, Minnie. We hadn't expected you to arrive so soon. Would you like breakfast? There's plenty left."

            At the same time that Mrs. Stone said, "No, thank you" her husband and son said, "Yes, please".

            Angeline smiled. "Juliet, bring out some more plates, would you?" There were plenty of chairs at the table and Mrs. Fowl motioned the Stones to sit down.

            The plump man, Thomas Stone, took a seat next to Artemis. He was not a very prudent man at times and remarked in his jovial voice, "You pictures always show you pale, but you look rather a bit pink right now."

            Alyssa replied, "I managed to pry him away from his computer and get him to spend a little time outside this weekend."

            Artemis senior added, "It's remarkable. Normally nothing can pry him away."

            Minnie frowned at her daughter. "I don't recall seeing that outfit before, Lyssie."

            Alyssa tried not to swallow audibly. If her mother was upset with this, what would she say to the bikini? Best hide it as soon as she got home.

            "We took the kids shopping yesterday before we went swimming," said Angeline. She said to Thomas, "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Angeline Fowl; this is my husband, Artemis; and my son, Arty. This is Butler. His sister, Juliet, is bringing out plates."

            "I'm Thomas, and this is our youngest, Paul." He shook hands with Mrs. Fowl.

            At that moment, Juliet returned with three plates, silverware, and glasses.

            "Help yourself," Artemis senior said, motioning to the pancakes, eggs, sausages, toast, and fruit. "There's plenty here and we can always make more. Butler's an excellent chef."

            Alyssa and Artemis, in hopes that neither of their parents would try to talk to them     , both kept eating.

            It did no good for Artemis.

            "I've heard some interesting stories about you. Not many 14 year olds have biographies out about them, you know."

            "Yes. You've read it?"

            "Yes, yes. I found it in a bookshop a few days after its release. I'm fascinated. You're a very lucky boy. To be your age and have traveled so much of the world already is really extraordinary."

            _You have no idea_, Artemis thought. "Yes. Though as much as I enjoy traveling, I really do prefer to remain at home."

            "Human nature: we don't know what we like, we like what we know."

            "Indeed."          

            "Where do you attend school?"

            Artemis told him.

            "Quite prestigious. A boarding school isn't it?"

            "Yes. It is."

            "Arty's on the swim-team this year. Though we're actually considering transferring him."

            Artemis blinked. No one had mentioned this to him. "Really, Mother?"

            "Yes. Your Father and I were discussing it just last night."

            The questions from Mr. Stone poured on. Artemis made sure to keep his answers and face as much like the old Artemis he had been a month ago as possible. Let Alyssa's father see what he was really like, rather than the dribbling, lovesick idiot he'd felt he'd become.

            When they'd all finished eating, Minnie said, "We really must be going, I'm afraid."

            "Alyssa, are you all packed?" Mrs. Fowl asked.

            "I think I left some videos in the den."

            "And your Queen CD is elsewhere," Artemis added.

            "Butler, would you please retrieve Alyssa's luggage from her room?"

            "I'll go get the videos," Alyssa volunteered.

            "I'll get the CD," Artemis added, catching her eye.

            Alyssa went down to the den and Artemis went up to his room. He got the CD and waited. He didn't have to wait long.

            Alyssa came in. "I guess this is goodbye, isn't it?" she asked.

            "We can't properly say goodbye down there."

            "You'll still call, won 't you?"

            "Of course I will. Alyssa, unless there's something you're not telling me I'm still your boyfriend and I'll still be asking you out this weekend." He grinned.

            She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. "Do I have to leave?"

            "If it were up to me, no. If it were up to my parents, probably not. I believe your mother, however, feels differently." He leaned his head against hers.

            "But I don't want to leave."

            He said softly into her hair, softly enough so that she couldn't hear him, "A day may come when you don't have to leave. But today's not that day."

            She heard him and smiled, but didn't let on that she heard. After all, he couldn't see her face at the moment.

            "I'm going to miss you," he said, loosening his grip on her.

            "I'm going to miss you too, Junior." She looked up at his face and put one finger on his cheek. She let finger trail down the side of his face and over to his mouth. She dropped her hand and kissed him softly.

            When he thought the kiss was over and started to back away, thinking they needed to get back downstairs, she pulled him forward and kissed him again. He didn't mind.

            When they parted their faces again, he put a hand on her cheek, "Come back soon?"

            "I will. I promise. I'll just have to think of another excuse to send my parents away."

            They walked back downstairs. The adults appeared not to notice that their absence was a little longer than it should have been. Paul, however, noticed.

            "What took so long?"

            "The CD was in the wrong case and I couldn't find it," Artemis said.

            "I don't believe you," he whispered.

            Artemis was prepared to bribe. "Do you like licorice?"

            "It's my favorite. Mum won't let me have it too much. Says I'll rot my teeth."

            "You don't mention anything about how long we were gone and I won't tell your mum where you got this licorice. Deal?" He passed the candy to Paul.

            Paul grinned and stuffed the candy in his pocket.

            Everyone appeared to be dissembling for goodbyes. "Thank you for having, Alyssa."

            "Oh, she was no problem. She's been a dream. She's welcome anytime. Really. We loved having her here. Isn't that right, Timmy?"

            "Yes. You should all come over for dinner soon. We'd love to have Alyssa spend more time here with us. Artemis doesn't get out of the house much; this weekend has really been good for him."

            "Alyssa, what do you say?" asked her mother pointedly.

            "Thank you very much for having me to stay, Mr. Fowl, Mrs. Fowl."

            "Oh, you're welcome, dear. Anytime. Really."

            Artemis stood facing Alyssa. ""Why do they call it _good_bye? It's not good. I'm going to miss you," she whispered.

            "I know, I know. I'm going to miss you too, but goodbye isn't forever," he whispered. He gave her a hug and watched her walk out to the driveway with her brother and parents; Butler walked behind carrying her suitcase.

            Artemis stared out the window a long time after the car had vanished.

~~~

            Holly woke up and yawned, stretching. She looked next to her on the bed where her husband was still sleeping. He'd been awake when she came in during the night and he looked so peaceful sleeping there that she hadn't the heart to wake him before.

            She looked at the nightstand where the vials with the iris cams and the disks were waiting. She knew that she'd only show three people those disks while the Mud Boy was alive. Trouble, Root, and Foaly. Nobody else needed to see them. In a couple hundred years clips from them would appear home movies show and even be documented in the history of the Artemis Fowl cases. But for now, the boy deserved and would have his privacy. After all, on the inside he was just a soft emotional Mud Man.

            She leaned over and whispered in Trouble's ear, "Honey, I'm back."

~~~

            Artemis sat down at his desk. It felt foreign to him. He hadn't really sat here and done any work is since…what? Friday. And it was now Monday.

            He tried to get back to his work, his questionable business ventures. He couldn't do it.

            He picked up his phone and dialed. "Alyssa…"

**THE END**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**So, that's the end. I just _had_ to give Holly and Trouble a cameo at the end. Originally I wasn't going to have the Stones stay for a meal, but I decided, why not? **

**Was it any good? The sequel won't be posted for at least a couple of days and it's going to be called _Artemis Fowl: No Title Necessary._ I hope you decide to read it. It'll be Trouble/Holly centered with some possible Artemis/Alyssa thrown in.**


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